The last two Sundays in Primary have been especially sweet and touching. Both weeks I sat down with the kids during singing time and sang with them (instead of standing off to the side with the presidency and just jumping in every now and then). Those kids know those songs, and they sing their little hearts out!
Last week, as we got ready to sing When I Am Baptized, the singing leader asked the kids what happens when you get baptized. One of the 8 year olds, who was just baptized a few months ago, raised his hand and said we become clean. Then one of the little 4 year olds raised his hand and said (with his adorable little voice), "Um, you get da Holy Ghost to come into youw heawt." All of the leaders were a little stunned at such an insightful answer from someone so young (including the singing leader who is the little boy's dad, haha).
And besides that sweetest of comments, my heart was just touched listening to all of those little voices sing with such conviction words like "I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." And "I feel my Savior's love," "keep the commandments, in this there is safety and peace." Or "I love to see the temple...a family is forever" the day after witnessing 2 of those little girls be sealed to their parents as a family. As I watched them, I was amazed to see even the shy, timid kids singing along with everyone else, or trying to follow the singing leader when they didn't know all the words.
Today we had a little girl (7 1/2) who only comes occasionally and is a little more difficult (she has a hard time sitting still and paying attention, and can often be a bit disruptive). When the younger girl who was supposed to be giving the scripture stopped repeating after her dad because she was too shy, the 7 1/2 year old chimed in and repeated the next line of the verse (1 Nephi 3:7). Then as they were singing Nephi's Courage, she joined in and sang out with all her heart. When they finished, and the singing leader was talking about the meaning of the song, he asked what "courageous" meant, and she raised her hand, "Um, I believe in this instance...it's talking about when it's hard to do the right thing, but you do it anyway." I was amazed at her comprehension (as well as her very grown up use of "in this instance"). It reminded me not to assume things just because someone is different or difficult. And just showed me again how much children really do understand and what great potential they have.
Sunday, February 2, 2020
Thursday, January 16, 2020
"Remember how merciful the Lord hath been"
It feels like it's time to write again...
I finished the Book of Mormon just as 2019 ended, perfect timing to begin again on track with Come Follow Me for this year. In the final chapter, Moroni 10 verse 3, Moroni says, "I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things...that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men." The phrase struck me. I wrote it on a small piece of paper, and decided to keep it in my scriptures so that I see it each time I open them up to read.
There is so much in this life that is convoluted and confusing. Opportunities for distraction are everywhere; it is so easy to miss the mark. Things are never perfect; there's always something that could be at least a little bit better.
But what about all that is right? All that is good and happy and beautiful in our lives?
Sometimes when I truly think of the Lord's blessings, when I "remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto [me]," it's staggering. Are there things I don't understand, things I would change if I could? Certainly. But I cannot deny the abundance of His "tender mercies" in my life.
Gabe. An honorable parentage. Access to good books, the best books. Good friends who are a strength to me. My testimony and faith. The temple. Financial means to provide for our needs - the necessities and some of the wants. The ability to try again, and again, and again as I falter and fail each day.
The abundant mercy of that last one becomes ever more apparent to me. I remember struggling as a teenager to grasp and understand the place of the Savior's atonement in my life. What great sins had I ever committed that I needed to repent of?
But as time goes on, the words of men such as Nephi and King Benjamin become more real and visceral to me.
"O wretched man that I am! ...my heart sorroweth because of my flesh...I am encompassed about, because of the temptations which do so easily beset me."
"I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants...ye are indebted unto him...and are, and will be, forever and ever..."
But the beauty is that the Lord doesn't see us that way. We are not His "unprofitable servants," we are "[His] work and [His] glory." When we see ourselves not measuring up, He simply says, "try again." And not just, "keep trying," but "let me help you get there."
It's so easy to look at ourselves from day to day and feel like we're getting nowhere. That's when the long view makes all the difference. I look at the day to day and just see myself failing again and again to make the changes and improvements I want in my life. But step back a few years, look at where you are now compared to then. Use that as your measuring tool instead of where you were yesterday, and it makes all the difference.
And what is it that has brought you to where you are? The tender mercies of the Lord, the enabling power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. We literally could not do it without Him. It is His grace, His mercy, His merits, that gives us the power to overcome, the power to become. Until someday, "that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is."
Yes, "remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men."
I finished the Book of Mormon just as 2019 ended, perfect timing to begin again on track with Come Follow Me for this year. In the final chapter, Moroni 10 verse 3, Moroni says, "I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things...that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men." The phrase struck me. I wrote it on a small piece of paper, and decided to keep it in my scriptures so that I see it each time I open them up to read.
There is so much in this life that is convoluted and confusing. Opportunities for distraction are everywhere; it is so easy to miss the mark. Things are never perfect; there's always something that could be at least a little bit better.
But what about all that is right? All that is good and happy and beautiful in our lives?
Sometimes when I truly think of the Lord's blessings, when I "remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto [me]," it's staggering. Are there things I don't understand, things I would change if I could? Certainly. But I cannot deny the abundance of His "tender mercies" in my life.
Gabe. An honorable parentage. Access to good books, the best books. Good friends who are a strength to me. My testimony and faith. The temple. Financial means to provide for our needs - the necessities and some of the wants. The ability to try again, and again, and again as I falter and fail each day.
The abundant mercy of that last one becomes ever more apparent to me. I remember struggling as a teenager to grasp and understand the place of the Savior's atonement in my life. What great sins had I ever committed that I needed to repent of?
But as time goes on, the words of men such as Nephi and King Benjamin become more real and visceral to me.
"O wretched man that I am! ...my heart sorroweth because of my flesh...I am encompassed about, because of the temptations which do so easily beset me."
"I say, if ye should serve him with all your whole souls yet ye would be unprofitable servants...ye are indebted unto him...and are, and will be, forever and ever..."
But the beauty is that the Lord doesn't see us that way. We are not His "unprofitable servants," we are "[His] work and [His] glory." When we see ourselves not measuring up, He simply says, "try again." And not just, "keep trying," but "let me help you get there."
It's so easy to look at ourselves from day to day and feel like we're getting nowhere. That's when the long view makes all the difference. I look at the day to day and just see myself failing again and again to make the changes and improvements I want in my life. But step back a few years, look at where you are now compared to then. Use that as your measuring tool instead of where you were yesterday, and it makes all the difference.
And what is it that has brought you to where you are? The tender mercies of the Lord, the enabling power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. We literally could not do it without Him. It is His grace, His mercy, His merits, that gives us the power to overcome, the power to become. Until someday, "that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is."
Yes, "remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men."
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Books of 2019 - Part 2
About time I get this one finished and posted since we're a week and a half into 2020. By the time December hit, I knew I wasn't going to reach my goal of 52 books, but I thought I could reach 50, and that's a nice, round number, so I went with that. Well, December 31st rolled around and I still needed to finish 3 books before the day ended...procrastination at its finest, haha. I finished one, and then another, and was working my way well through the 3rd, and then I had to shower and our friends came over to celebrate New Year's Eve. So just a few hours of reading short, I DIDN'T finish. Unless, as I realized a week later, you count my reading the Book of Mormon as my 50th book. ;) Regardless, I doubled the number of books I read the year before, and I'd say that's pretty impressive! Plus I always have this year to try again. ;)
27. Anytime, Anywhere, by John H. Groberg - (finished 7/10) Thoroughly enjoyable, as with all of Elder Groberg's books. Written in much the same style as his other 2 books about serving in Tonga, this one covers stories and experiences from his service around the world as a Seventy. Fascinating to hear bits of other cultures, and inspiring to read about his example of being willing to serve whenever, wherever, and however the Lord calls.
28. The Promised Messiah, by Bruce R. McConkie - (finished 7/21) I made it a goal to read McConkie's Messiah series this year. This first book took me much longer than I intended. I really haven't read many dense, scholarly religious books, and I found there was a bit of a learning curve to get into it. This one was also hard because it just felt like a compilation of prophecies about the Savior without much organization or continuity other than "here's some prophecies about his mission, here's some prophecies about his birth" etc.
29. The Faith of our Pioneer Fathers, by Bryant S. Hinckley - (finished 7/29) This was a quick read, just short biographical sketches of some of our pioneer fathers. It's one of the books we inherited from Grandpa Willis.
30. Stalwarts of Mormonism, by Preston Nibley - (finished 8/2) Same as the one before, one we inherited from Grandpa. A quick read of short biographical sketches. Definitely learned some interesting stories about some interesting people!
31. The Orphan Keeper, by Camron Wright - (finished 8/6) Wow! This was a crazy story. It's a novel, based on a true story, about a young Indian boy who is kidnapped from his family, taken to an orphanage, and adopted by a family in the U.S. The people at the orphanage don't care when he tries to tell them he has a family, and he can't tell the family who adopted him because they can't understand each other's language. It really was an amazing, miraculous story. I stayed up one night to read one chapter before bed...and ended up reading until 2 or 3 in the morning because I couldn't put it down. Definitely one I'd recommend!
32. Sir, that's a Book of Mormon! (How One Baptist Minister Discovered the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ), by Lynn Ridenhour - (finished 8/27) Interesting, short little book. He's a Baptist minister who preaches from the Book of Mormon. I enjoy biographies, so it was neat to hear about where life has taken him.
33. The Abolition of Man, by C. S. Lewis - (finished 8/28) A very short book, but not necessarily a quick read. Also very applicable to today. The premise is that certain values are intrinsic (a waterfall is beautiful because it is beautiful in and of itself, not just because someone finds it enjoyable), and when you try to remove the source of values and morals, their foundation, the values and morals will eventually be lost as well. Or in today's terms - moral relativism is a lie.
34. The Mortal Messiah: From Bethlehem to Calvary Book 1, by Bruce R. McConkie - (finished 9/1) This was much easier to read than The Promised Messiah. Partially because I had been introduced to the style of writing, but also because it had much more organization and flow than the first. I really enjoyed the background it gave me for Israelite life at the time of Christ's birth.
35. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain - (finished 9/3) I really enjoyed the information in this book, although it was a bit dense and harder to get through. There were definitely some fascinating studies and insights though. Something I can very much relate to. ;)
36. Life's Lessons Learned, by Dallin H. Oaks - (finished 9/4) This was a very quick read, one that I borrowed from Mom and Dad. Pretty much what the title says, it's a bunch of short chapters relating experiences from his life that have taught him important lessons. I think my favorite take-away from this one was his chapter on tithing. He talked about how when he and his wife would experience an unexpected financial gain, or an unexpected decrease in expenses, they would refer to it aloud as a "tithing blessing". Gabe and I have started doing the same and appreciate the reminder that it is to us of the true source of our blessings.
37. The Mortal Messiah: From Bethlehem to Calvary Book 2, by Bruce R. McConkie - (finished 10/4) Next in the series. Although they take some time to get through, I appreciate what I'm gaining from them.
38. Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World, by Cal Newport - (finished 10/7) I finally read this book after 2 of my friends talking about it at Literary Society (instead of a traditional book club, we get together once a month and share with each other whatever we've been reading) and highly recommending it. And I completely agree with them! I especially appreciated the chapter on solitude. We are so surrounded by constant access to the internet that we rarely, if ever, experience true solitude anymore. Even what used to be our moments of forced solitude (waiting for an appointment at an office, going for a walk/run/drive) are now filled with pulling out our smartphones to entertain/pacify ourselves rather than sitting with our thoughts and pondering.
39. Insights From a Prophet's Life: Russell M. Nelson, by Sheri Dew - (finished 10/17) I loved this one! It is written so well. And President Nelson has led such an interesting life, with so much struggle as well as opportunity. I loved learning about his life, his faith, and his service.
40. The Princess Bride, by William Goldman - (finished 10/19) A very fun read. It probably matches the movie closer than any other book I've read that's been made into a movie. (Probably because the author loved his book, and wrote the movie script himself.) Definitely nostalgic to read when you've grown up watching the movie.
41. As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride, by Cary Elwes - (finished 10/29) This was a fun read, with some very funny backstory to some of the actors and movie scenes. (Like the fact that when Count Rugen knocks out Westley after he comes out of the fire swamp...Carry Elwes was literally knocked unconscious, haha). Anyone who loves The Princess Bride would enjoy reading it.
42. Hubener vs Hitler, by Richard Lloyd Dewey - (finished 11/7) Very interesting story, although written very UN-interestingly (I'm pretty sure this is actually an academic paper, because over half the book is footnotes citing sources, and instead of synthesizing different sources he details every single version of the story from each source.) Anyway, it's the story of Helmuth Hubener, a teenage Latter-day Saint boy in Germany who determined to actively resist Hitler and his regime and was eventually tried and killed for his actions.
43. Be Thou an Example, by Gordon B. Hinckley - (finished 11/12) Another one I borrowed from Mom and Dad. Like Standing for Something, it was fun to read President Hinckley's voice. Although I definitely enjoyed Standing for Something more - it felt a bit more polished and put together.
44. The Magnolia Story, by Chip and Joanna Gaines - (finished 11/22) If you enjoy Fixer Upper and Chip and Joanna, you'll enjoy their book. You'd never know the crazy things they've gone through to get where they're at (plus just the funny details about their life story). You can definitely hear their voice in the writing, their personality as well as their faith. My favorite was the story of Chip being left in charge of their first baby while Joanna went running and him forgetting him at home - twice, haha.
45. I Am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban, by Malala Yousafzai and Christina Lamb - (finished 12/11) Eye opening, and interesting to hear from the perspective of someone living within the terror of the Taliban and a country torn apart by corruption and war. There are so many innocently suffering at the hands of others.
46. Book of a Thousand Days, by Shannon Hale - (finished 12/11) I read this one in one day. I love Shannon Hale, and she didn't disappoint with this one. It's the story of a handmaid who is locked in a tower with the princess she serves after the princess refuses to marry to the man her father has promised her to. A love story, fantasy, just an enjoyable read.
47. The History of Joseph Smith by His Mother, by Lucy Mack Smith - (finished 12/19) I decided to read this one as part of my preparation for next General Conference. I loved reading it, although it's more of a history of Lucy Mack during the life of Joseph (which was also very interesting and faith-promoting, it just didn't always follow him directly like I expected). I especially loved learning about the faith of his family and his father's dreams. A great resource for learning more about Joseph Smith and the early history of the church.
48. One More Strain of Praise, by Neal A. Maxwell - (finished 12/31) This is (clearly) one of the ones that I finished last minute on New Year's Eve. Oh how I love Elder Maxwell's books! He writes with such beauty and such faith. Reading his books always encourages me to try harder and be better.
49. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll - (finished 12/31) Although I was only a couple chapters into this one before New Year's Eve, I finished it pretty quickly because it's such an easy read. It really is a very whimsical story. My biggest thought when I finished though is that the movie is nothing like it! Seriously...the movie is missing so much, and added in a bunch of random stuff, too. But I guess they are the same in that they're just silly, random stories of a child's daydreaming.
The Temple Letters, by Claude Richards - I got so close to finishing this one, too! This is another book we inherited from Grandpa Willis. It's a compilation of letters a man sent out to his family to encourage them to be more engaged in temple and family history work. The best part of it was the quotes he shared from prophets and the brethren.
Increase in Learning, by David A. Bednar - Another one I borrowed from Mom and Dad. In true Elder Bednar style, over half the book is "related readings" following each chapter where he shares scriptures and past talks related to the principles/doctrine he's just explained. I'm enjoying it, just didn't get around to finishing it during the crazy month of December.
The Mortal Messiah: From Bethlehem to Calvary Book 3, by Bruce R. McConkie - Clearly I didn't finish the series by the end of the year like I'd intended (there's still 2 more after this one, too). After I finished book 2 in October, I got about 50 pages into this one and then just stopped. I definitely plan to finish it and the rest of the series this year, I just stopped working my way through it.
Now, for my own list-loving sake, a breakdown of genres of the books I read:
Fiction/Novel: 7
Biography: 20
Non-Fiction: 6
Gospel: 16
27. Anytime, Anywhere, by John H. Groberg - (finished 7/10) Thoroughly enjoyable, as with all of Elder Groberg's books. Written in much the same style as his other 2 books about serving in Tonga, this one covers stories and experiences from his service around the world as a Seventy. Fascinating to hear bits of other cultures, and inspiring to read about his example of being willing to serve whenever, wherever, and however the Lord calls.
28. The Promised Messiah, by Bruce R. McConkie - (finished 7/21) I made it a goal to read McConkie's Messiah series this year. This first book took me much longer than I intended. I really haven't read many dense, scholarly religious books, and I found there was a bit of a learning curve to get into it. This one was also hard because it just felt like a compilation of prophecies about the Savior without much organization or continuity other than "here's some prophecies about his mission, here's some prophecies about his birth" etc.
29. The Faith of our Pioneer Fathers, by Bryant S. Hinckley - (finished 7/29) This was a quick read, just short biographical sketches of some of our pioneer fathers. It's one of the books we inherited from Grandpa Willis.
30. Stalwarts of Mormonism, by Preston Nibley - (finished 8/2) Same as the one before, one we inherited from Grandpa. A quick read of short biographical sketches. Definitely learned some interesting stories about some interesting people!
31. The Orphan Keeper, by Camron Wright - (finished 8/6) Wow! This was a crazy story. It's a novel, based on a true story, about a young Indian boy who is kidnapped from his family, taken to an orphanage, and adopted by a family in the U.S. The people at the orphanage don't care when he tries to tell them he has a family, and he can't tell the family who adopted him because they can't understand each other's language. It really was an amazing, miraculous story. I stayed up one night to read one chapter before bed...and ended up reading until 2 or 3 in the morning because I couldn't put it down. Definitely one I'd recommend!
32. Sir, that's a Book of Mormon! (How One Baptist Minister Discovered the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ), by Lynn Ridenhour - (finished 8/27) Interesting, short little book. He's a Baptist minister who preaches from the Book of Mormon. I enjoy biographies, so it was neat to hear about where life has taken him.
33. The Abolition of Man, by C. S. Lewis - (finished 8/28) A very short book, but not necessarily a quick read. Also very applicable to today. The premise is that certain values are intrinsic (a waterfall is beautiful because it is beautiful in and of itself, not just because someone finds it enjoyable), and when you try to remove the source of values and morals, their foundation, the values and morals will eventually be lost as well. Or in today's terms - moral relativism is a lie.
34. The Mortal Messiah: From Bethlehem to Calvary Book 1, by Bruce R. McConkie - (finished 9/1) This was much easier to read than The Promised Messiah. Partially because I had been introduced to the style of writing, but also because it had much more organization and flow than the first. I really enjoyed the background it gave me for Israelite life at the time of Christ's birth.
35. Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking, by Susan Cain - (finished 9/3) I really enjoyed the information in this book, although it was a bit dense and harder to get through. There were definitely some fascinating studies and insights though. Something I can very much relate to. ;)
36. Life's Lessons Learned, by Dallin H. Oaks - (finished 9/4) This was a very quick read, one that I borrowed from Mom and Dad. Pretty much what the title says, it's a bunch of short chapters relating experiences from his life that have taught him important lessons. I think my favorite take-away from this one was his chapter on tithing. He talked about how when he and his wife would experience an unexpected financial gain, or an unexpected decrease in expenses, they would refer to it aloud as a "tithing blessing". Gabe and I have started doing the same and appreciate the reminder that it is to us of the true source of our blessings.
37. The Mortal Messiah: From Bethlehem to Calvary Book 2, by Bruce R. McConkie - (finished 10/4) Next in the series. Although they take some time to get through, I appreciate what I'm gaining from them.
38. Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World, by Cal Newport - (finished 10/7) I finally read this book after 2 of my friends talking about it at Literary Society (instead of a traditional book club, we get together once a month and share with each other whatever we've been reading) and highly recommending it. And I completely agree with them! I especially appreciated the chapter on solitude. We are so surrounded by constant access to the internet that we rarely, if ever, experience true solitude anymore. Even what used to be our moments of forced solitude (waiting for an appointment at an office, going for a walk/run/drive) are now filled with pulling out our smartphones to entertain/pacify ourselves rather than sitting with our thoughts and pondering.
39. Insights From a Prophet's Life: Russell M. Nelson, by Sheri Dew - (finished 10/17) I loved this one! It is written so well. And President Nelson has led such an interesting life, with so much struggle as well as opportunity. I loved learning about his life, his faith, and his service.
41. As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride, by Cary Elwes - (finished 10/29) This was a fun read, with some very funny backstory to some of the actors and movie scenes. (Like the fact that when Count Rugen knocks out Westley after he comes out of the fire swamp...Carry Elwes was literally knocked unconscious, haha). Anyone who loves The Princess Bride would enjoy reading it.
42. Hubener vs Hitler, by Richard Lloyd Dewey - (finished 11/7) Very interesting story, although written very UN-interestingly (I'm pretty sure this is actually an academic paper, because over half the book is footnotes citing sources, and instead of synthesizing different sources he details every single version of the story from each source.) Anyway, it's the story of Helmuth Hubener, a teenage Latter-day Saint boy in Germany who determined to actively resist Hitler and his regime and was eventually tried and killed for his actions.
43. Be Thou an Example, by Gordon B. Hinckley - (finished 11/12) Another one I borrowed from Mom and Dad. Like Standing for Something, it was fun to read President Hinckley's voice. Although I definitely enjoyed Standing for Something more - it felt a bit more polished and put together.
44. The Magnolia Story, by Chip and Joanna Gaines - (finished 11/22) If you enjoy Fixer Upper and Chip and Joanna, you'll enjoy their book. You'd never know the crazy things they've gone through to get where they're at (plus just the funny details about their life story). You can definitely hear their voice in the writing, their personality as well as their faith. My favorite was the story of Chip being left in charge of their first baby while Joanna went running and him forgetting him at home - twice, haha.
45. I Am Malala: The Girl Who Stood Up for Education and Was Shot by the Taliban, by Malala Yousafzai and Christina Lamb - (finished 12/11) Eye opening, and interesting to hear from the perspective of someone living within the terror of the Taliban and a country torn apart by corruption and war. There are so many innocently suffering at the hands of others.
46. Book of a Thousand Days, by Shannon Hale - (finished 12/11) I read this one in one day. I love Shannon Hale, and she didn't disappoint with this one. It's the story of a handmaid who is locked in a tower with the princess she serves after the princess refuses to marry to the man her father has promised her to. A love story, fantasy, just an enjoyable read.
47. The History of Joseph Smith by His Mother, by Lucy Mack Smith - (finished 12/19) I decided to read this one as part of my preparation for next General Conference. I loved reading it, although it's more of a history of Lucy Mack during the life of Joseph (which was also very interesting and faith-promoting, it just didn't always follow him directly like I expected). I especially loved learning about the faith of his family and his father's dreams. A great resource for learning more about Joseph Smith and the early history of the church.
48. One More Strain of Praise, by Neal A. Maxwell - (finished 12/31) This is (clearly) one of the ones that I finished last minute on New Year's Eve. Oh how I love Elder Maxwell's books! He writes with such beauty and such faith. Reading his books always encourages me to try harder and be better.
49. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll - (finished 12/31) Although I was only a couple chapters into this one before New Year's Eve, I finished it pretty quickly because it's such an easy read. It really is a very whimsical story. My biggest thought when I finished though is that the movie is nothing like it! Seriously...the movie is missing so much, and added in a bunch of random stuff, too. But I guess they are the same in that they're just silly, random stories of a child's daydreaming.
The Temple Letters, by Claude Richards - I got so close to finishing this one, too! This is another book we inherited from Grandpa Willis. It's a compilation of letters a man sent out to his family to encourage them to be more engaged in temple and family history work. The best part of it was the quotes he shared from prophets and the brethren.
Increase in Learning, by David A. Bednar - Another one I borrowed from Mom and Dad. In true Elder Bednar style, over half the book is "related readings" following each chapter where he shares scriptures and past talks related to the principles/doctrine he's just explained. I'm enjoying it, just didn't get around to finishing it during the crazy month of December.
The Mortal Messiah: From Bethlehem to Calvary Book 3, by Bruce R. McConkie - Clearly I didn't finish the series by the end of the year like I'd intended (there's still 2 more after this one, too). After I finished book 2 in October, I got about 50 pages into this one and then just stopped. I definitely plan to finish it and the rest of the series this year, I just stopped working my way through it.
Now, for my own list-loving sake, a breakdown of genres of the books I read:
Fiction/Novel: 7
Biography: 20
Non-Fiction: 6
Gospel: 16
Sunday, January 5, 2020
A Decade in Review
Now that we're almost a week into the new year, I figured it was about time for my New Years post. :P I saw multiple "year in review" posts on facebook - which I loved reading, but decided mine would not be particularly exciting, haha. Then I saw Keith's "decade in review" post and decided that would be MUCH more fitting/interesting for me! Also, the more I thought about it, I realized this was a HUGE decade for me. So here it is, my very formative, first full decade as an adult.
2010 - So many firsts!
Moved for the first time ever - over 1,000 miles away out to BYU, a big jump from living in the same home in the same small town all my life.
Started college.
Began (and quickly quit) my first job - early morning custodian at the HFAC on campus with Keith.
Went on my first single date (my thoughts from that experience here, haha).
Changed my major.
Went back home and walked for High School graduation - found out I graduated as Salutatorian of my class.
Returned to BYU with Marshall and Keith.
First heartbreak (and second), with the best consolation from my far away family - flowers from Dad, and Domino's pizza and lava cakes from my sisters delivered to my door.
Had a blast that fall semester with my brothers and the coolest roommates!
2011 - Had one more awesome semester out at BYU with seriously the best group of friends.
Moved home "for the summer".
Jessica moved in with us.
(Grudgingly) followed the impression to stay home for good.
Went out to Keith and Julie's wedding in DC, attended General Conference with the family, and went to Marshall and Jenessa's wedding in Mesa.
Started working for Helzberg.
2012 - Moved into an apartment in Springfield with Jenessa, Glenda, and Jessica.
Took at trip out to Provo to visit my friends.
Moved back into Mom and Dad's.
Became Office Manager at Helzberg.
Starting seriously thinking about a mission, then went on my first date with Gabe the same day, haha.
Started dating Gabe.
Went out to my roommate's wedding in Utah (and discovered that I in fact did NOT have unlimited texting with which to text Gabe).
Got engaged.
Quit my job.
Got married.
Experienced my first in-law holiday (5 people at Thanksgiving was almost like culture shock for me).
2013 - Started teaching piano lessons (to 1 student).
Moved to Willard, then back into Springfield.
Had our 1st anniversary - and got scared about the infertility label that put us under.
2014 - Went to Hawaii, which literally felt like a life-changing experience for us. It was more than magical; everything perfectly fell into place for us.
Went out to Utah for Conference with Philip - stayed with Keith and Julie and saw Joseph on our way home.
Moved to St. Louis and Gabe started chiropractic school.
Had my first overnight trip away from Gabe (just staying at Mom and Dad's when Joseph got home from his mission).
Had my first car wreck (and felt the painful shock of how expensive the ticket and having to appear at court was, plus the increased cost of car insurance after).
Began working as a temple worker.
Got called as Young Women Adviser.
Started our shift into a greater focus on health and nutrition.
Bought and moved into our trailer.
2015 - Made some great friends in our ward.
James and Kelli came to visit us for a few days over spring break - and yes they stayed in our trailer with their 6 kids, haha.
Took an Amtrak by myself to Lawrence so I could drive out to Joseph's wedding with Sarah, Marshall, and Jenessa.
Went on Trek as a leader - which really meant just playing around and having fun with some YSA leaders because none of us were assigned to a family.
Started babysitting two little girls once a week.
2016 - Became a trainer at the temple.
Had Marshall and Jenessa visit us over spring break - enjoyed the art museum, a great hike, and cooking and visiting together.
Started occasionally working (about once a week) as basically a personal assistant for Judith - an artist/small business owner I met through someone at church.
Gabe started clinicals at school.
Went to Girl's Camp as the Assistant Ward Camp Director and experienced the discomfort of swollen ankles and heat rash for the first time (my feet were HUGE and red).
Went to Youth Conference.
Went to a free St. Louis Symphony concert in the park for my 25th birthday.
Did a lot of house sitting.
Continued to enjoy the many hikes and parks and free shows and museums St. Louis has to offer.
2017 - Finished our time in St. Louis and said goodbye to the Young Women, our amazing ward, the temple workers, and so many wonderful friends.
Moved back home to Springfield - with a 9 hour drive because our car overheated every 20 min on the drive home...
Gabe had his summer internship with Sam Sanders and then GRADUATED!
We (very unexpectedly) decided to move to Arkansas for work...and then subsequently waited 4 months for everything to work out.
Celebrated our 5th anniversary at a great little cabin in Eureka Springs.
2018 - Moved down to Arkansas!
I was called as Primary President.
Went on a float trip with some new friends.
Explored lots of hikes and parks in beautiful Arkansas. We walked almost every summer night at Lake Fayetteville, just down the road from us.
I started reading regularly again.
2019 - Really started getting to know people and make good friends.
Joined a monthly "Mother's of Influence" group hosted by a friend from the ward.
Enjoyed many more hikes.
I went on a whirlwind trip with Mom, Dad, and Lilly out to Joseph's graduation from OCS in Virginia.
Enjoyed a FANTASTIC 7 course dinner with Gabe's parents at a tiny French restaurant in Fordland, MO.
Gabe and I became temple workers at the Oklahoma City Temple.
Had an awesome birthday bonfire party at Mom and Dad's.
Gabe got called into the Bishopric.
Started traveling to Little Rock every other week for Gabe's work.
And I read. A LOT. (I finished just a few books shy of my goal for 1 book/week).
I learned and grew and changed SO MUCH over this past decade. It really was a formative and transformative time for me. I have learned so much about myself, been stretched and grown a great deal spiritually through my experiences and opportunities, and had my perspectives and outlooks shifted and expanded.
I've gained a firm testimony of and love for the temple, learned (and continuing to learn) to really trust in the Lord's timing, and seen His hand guiding and directing my life in both small and large ways. I've learned that I really am an introvert, haha, and reignited my love for reading that I had as a kid. Healthy, natural living has become a big part of my life - I fully embrace many things that I once scoffed at, haha. I've gained a love for the outdoors and hiking and walking (when it's not cold at least) and learned to greatly enjoy cooking healthy, wholesome food. Gabe and I have grown closer and closer, learned to communicate and compromise, and to fully rely on one another.
So many people and friends have come in and out of my life, some leaving permanent and lasting impressions. The memories truly are great and I have been immensely blessed. I never could have imagined some of the twists and turns my life has taken the past 10 years and where I've ended up. It makes me excited to see where the Lord will take Gabe and I next. So here's to the 20s and all the growth, change, experiences, and opportunities they will bring!
2010 - So many firsts!
Moved for the first time ever - over 1,000 miles away out to BYU, a big jump from living in the same home in the same small town all my life.
Started college.
Began (and quickly quit) my first job - early morning custodian at the HFAC on campus with Keith.
Went on my first single date (my thoughts from that experience here, haha).
Changed my major.
Went back home and walked for High School graduation - found out I graduated as Salutatorian of my class.
Returned to BYU with Marshall and Keith.
First heartbreak (and second), with the best consolation from my far away family - flowers from Dad, and Domino's pizza and lava cakes from my sisters delivered to my door.
Had a blast that fall semester with my brothers and the coolest roommates!
2011 - Had one more awesome semester out at BYU with seriously the best group of friends.
Moved home "for the summer".
Jessica moved in with us.
(Grudgingly) followed the impression to stay home for good.
Went out to Keith and Julie's wedding in DC, attended General Conference with the family, and went to Marshall and Jenessa's wedding in Mesa.
Started working for Helzberg.
2012 - Moved into an apartment in Springfield with Jenessa, Glenda, and Jessica.
Took at trip out to Provo to visit my friends.
Moved back into Mom and Dad's.
Became Office Manager at Helzberg.
Starting seriously thinking about a mission, then went on my first date with Gabe the same day, haha.
Started dating Gabe.
Went out to my roommate's wedding in Utah (and discovered that I in fact did NOT have unlimited texting with which to text Gabe).
Got engaged.
Quit my job.
Got married.
Experienced my first in-law holiday (5 people at Thanksgiving was almost like culture shock for me).
2013 - Started teaching piano lessons (to 1 student).
Moved to Willard, then back into Springfield.
Had our 1st anniversary - and got scared about the infertility label that put us under.
2014 - Went to Hawaii, which literally felt like a life-changing experience for us. It was more than magical; everything perfectly fell into place for us.
Went out to Utah for Conference with Philip - stayed with Keith and Julie and saw Joseph on our way home.
Moved to St. Louis and Gabe started chiropractic school.
Had my first overnight trip away from Gabe (just staying at Mom and Dad's when Joseph got home from his mission).
Had my first car wreck (and felt the painful shock of how expensive the ticket and having to appear at court was, plus the increased cost of car insurance after).
Began working as a temple worker.
Got called as Young Women Adviser.
Started our shift into a greater focus on health and nutrition.
Bought and moved into our trailer.
2015 - Made some great friends in our ward.
James and Kelli came to visit us for a few days over spring break - and yes they stayed in our trailer with their 6 kids, haha.
Took an Amtrak by myself to Lawrence so I could drive out to Joseph's wedding with Sarah, Marshall, and Jenessa.
Went on Trek as a leader - which really meant just playing around and having fun with some YSA leaders because none of us were assigned to a family.
Started babysitting two little girls once a week.
2016 - Became a trainer at the temple.
Had Marshall and Jenessa visit us over spring break - enjoyed the art museum, a great hike, and cooking and visiting together.
Started occasionally working (about once a week) as basically a personal assistant for Judith - an artist/small business owner I met through someone at church.
Gabe started clinicals at school.
Went to Girl's Camp as the Assistant Ward Camp Director and experienced the discomfort of swollen ankles and heat rash for the first time (my feet were HUGE and red).
Went to Youth Conference.
Went to a free St. Louis Symphony concert in the park for my 25th birthday.
Did a lot of house sitting.
Continued to enjoy the many hikes and parks and free shows and museums St. Louis has to offer.
2017 - Finished our time in St. Louis and said goodbye to the Young Women, our amazing ward, the temple workers, and so many wonderful friends.
Moved back home to Springfield - with a 9 hour drive because our car overheated every 20 min on the drive home...
Gabe had his summer internship with Sam Sanders and then GRADUATED!
We (very unexpectedly) decided to move to Arkansas for work...and then subsequently waited 4 months for everything to work out.
Celebrated our 5th anniversary at a great little cabin in Eureka Springs.
2018 - Moved down to Arkansas!
I was called as Primary President.
Went on a float trip with some new friends.
Explored lots of hikes and parks in beautiful Arkansas. We walked almost every summer night at Lake Fayetteville, just down the road from us.
I started reading regularly again.
2019 - Really started getting to know people and make good friends.
Joined a monthly "Mother's of Influence" group hosted by a friend from the ward.
Enjoyed many more hikes.
I went on a whirlwind trip with Mom, Dad, and Lilly out to Joseph's graduation from OCS in Virginia.
Enjoyed a FANTASTIC 7 course dinner with Gabe's parents at a tiny French restaurant in Fordland, MO.
Gabe and I became temple workers at the Oklahoma City Temple.
Had an awesome birthday bonfire party at Mom and Dad's.
Gabe got called into the Bishopric.
Started traveling to Little Rock every other week for Gabe's work.
And I read. A LOT. (I finished just a few books shy of my goal for 1 book/week).
I learned and grew and changed SO MUCH over this past decade. It really was a formative and transformative time for me. I have learned so much about myself, been stretched and grown a great deal spiritually through my experiences and opportunities, and had my perspectives and outlooks shifted and expanded.
I've gained a firm testimony of and love for the temple, learned (and continuing to learn) to really trust in the Lord's timing, and seen His hand guiding and directing my life in both small and large ways. I've learned that I really am an introvert, haha, and reignited my love for reading that I had as a kid. Healthy, natural living has become a big part of my life - I fully embrace many things that I once scoffed at, haha. I've gained a love for the outdoors and hiking and walking (when it's not cold at least) and learned to greatly enjoy cooking healthy, wholesome food. Gabe and I have grown closer and closer, learned to communicate and compromise, and to fully rely on one another.
So many people and friends have come in and out of my life, some leaving permanent and lasting impressions. The memories truly are great and I have been immensely blessed. I never could have imagined some of the twists and turns my life has taken the past 10 years and where I've ended up. It makes me excited to see where the Lord will take Gabe and I next. So here's to the 20s and all the growth, change, experiences, and opportunities they will bring!
Friday, December 13, 2019
Sharing From My Heart: The Joy and the Pain
Not going to lie, I feel a little sick with how nervous sharing this makes me. I have no problem sharing and expressing my feelings when it comes to how much I love and care about someone or other happy, positive things. But really personal, poignant things get kept much closer to the chest. Even opening up to Gabe about such things has been a learning experience these past 7 years. My inclination is to become quiet, draw inward, and do anything but share it with others. But I'm turning over a new leaf, right? So here goes.
Journal entry from Wednesday, September 4, 2019:
"Last night was...hard? strange? unexpected? unusual? I don't know that there's a proper word to appropriately describe it. I had a wonderful and enjoyable day yesterday. I have felt an abundance of the Spirit lately and great satisfaction with where life is at. Which is why last night caught me so off-guard.
Just before going to bed I had very deep, poignant feelings hit me. A profound sense of longing for children overcame me. It almost took my breath away. The pain was physical. I couldn't restrain tears. I thought of my various interactions with children lately and my opportunities to "mother" others' children. How easy it is in those scenarios to envision children of our own - to see what could be ourselves in some future day.
The innocence and purity of children and getting to be a part of their lives brings me joy and satisfaction. But it can also surface pain. It makes my own lack so much more apparent. It takes my focus off of what I have and places it squarely on what I lack. Sometimes I just want to be able to join in on the "mommy stories" and woes rather than merely listening. As much as I trust the Lord's wisdom, sometimes I just want that to be my life.
But as a whole lately I have felt such peace, joy, and contentment with my life. Which is why last night was so confusing. It seemed to come out of nowhere and was almost all-consuming. It was so painful, and so very real. I thought I had composed myself, and then it started again. I didn't know where it was coming from, but it almost seemed like somewhere other than myself.
After sharing it with Gabe and laying close to him, I thought of the children that await us. I wondered if they were there, right then, strengthening me. I sensed many children. I wasn't sure if they were to come in this life or the next, but I sensed a small group together.
Poetic words expressing my emotions ran through my head during the experience. I could see them as the beginning of longer, written prose. The desire to write it, to express myself, almost pulled me out of bed to do it then. If not for the late hour that we had gone to bed, I think I would have. I felt a need to write about it, a compelling, an inspiration.
As I think back and ponder on it all now, there seems to be an almost sacred nature about it. I can still vividly remember the depth of feeling. It's as though the very poignance of it makes it sacred. Because anything with that depth of emotion deserves regard and respect. Any other such profound experience I can remember has clearly been of a spiritual nature, and so by association it must also be regarded as such and considered sacred like the others.
And so I have done my best to record it, to convey the inexpressible through word, that it may be kept sacred and remembered, even when memories dim."
I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to share this now. It was one single incident that took place over 3 months ago. But I'm learning the importance of really opening up to those you love, and sharing not just the happiness and joy, but also the pain and the struggles. Because that's what really bonds and brings you closer. How can they really understand and comprehend your joy if they haven't known your sorrow?
When others ask how I'm doing, I always say I'm doing really well. And I am. It's true that the Lord has given me a great deal of peace and assurance with where our life and family is at. Like I wrote in my journal, as a whole I feel great joy and contentment with my life. But that doesn't mean that the wishing and the hoping and even at times the longing has gone away. Because if it had, where would I be? We're supposed to want children and families. Why would the Lord take away my desire for the very thing He has ordained?
And so even with His carrying my burden, sometimes that means I feel a little sadness in my wishing, some longing in my dreaming. It means I have experienced a pain that hits with such unexpected force that I cry uncontrollably, confused and hurt and literally fighting for breath while I wonder where it's even coming from.
But it also means I've gained an undeniable testimony of the love of my Savior and the power of His atonement. Because without Him, that one isolated and unfamiliar moment is where I would be stuck all of the time. He gives me the strength to be happy now. And that is a gift of such tremendous value. Because life is never going to be exactly what we expect. There are always going to be twists and turns, bumps and bruises. But as we learn to fully give our will to Him, He opens up doors for us we never could have imagined.
Journal entry from Wednesday, September 4, 2019:
"Last night was...hard? strange? unexpected? unusual? I don't know that there's a proper word to appropriately describe it. I had a wonderful and enjoyable day yesterday. I have felt an abundance of the Spirit lately and great satisfaction with where life is at. Which is why last night caught me so off-guard.
Just before going to bed I had very deep, poignant feelings hit me. A profound sense of longing for children overcame me. It almost took my breath away. The pain was physical. I couldn't restrain tears. I thought of my various interactions with children lately and my opportunities to "mother" others' children. How easy it is in those scenarios to envision children of our own - to see what could be ourselves in some future day.
The innocence and purity of children and getting to be a part of their lives brings me joy and satisfaction. But it can also surface pain. It makes my own lack so much more apparent. It takes my focus off of what I have and places it squarely on what I lack. Sometimes I just want to be able to join in on the "mommy stories" and woes rather than merely listening. As much as I trust the Lord's wisdom, sometimes I just want that to be my life.
But as a whole lately I have felt such peace, joy, and contentment with my life. Which is why last night was so confusing. It seemed to come out of nowhere and was almost all-consuming. It was so painful, and so very real. I thought I had composed myself, and then it started again. I didn't know where it was coming from, but it almost seemed like somewhere other than myself.
After sharing it with Gabe and laying close to him, I thought of the children that await us. I wondered if they were there, right then, strengthening me. I sensed many children. I wasn't sure if they were to come in this life or the next, but I sensed a small group together.
Poetic words expressing my emotions ran through my head during the experience. I could see them as the beginning of longer, written prose. The desire to write it, to express myself, almost pulled me out of bed to do it then. If not for the late hour that we had gone to bed, I think I would have. I felt a need to write about it, a compelling, an inspiration.
As I think back and ponder on it all now, there seems to be an almost sacred nature about it. I can still vividly remember the depth of feeling. It's as though the very poignance of it makes it sacred. Because anything with that depth of emotion deserves regard and respect. Any other such profound experience I can remember has clearly been of a spiritual nature, and so by association it must also be regarded as such and considered sacred like the others.
And so I have done my best to record it, to convey the inexpressible through word, that it may be kept sacred and remembered, even when memories dim."
I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to share this now. It was one single incident that took place over 3 months ago. But I'm learning the importance of really opening up to those you love, and sharing not just the happiness and joy, but also the pain and the struggles. Because that's what really bonds and brings you closer. How can they really understand and comprehend your joy if they haven't known your sorrow?
When others ask how I'm doing, I always say I'm doing really well. And I am. It's true that the Lord has given me a great deal of peace and assurance with where our life and family is at. Like I wrote in my journal, as a whole I feel great joy and contentment with my life. But that doesn't mean that the wishing and the hoping and even at times the longing has gone away. Because if it had, where would I be? We're supposed to want children and families. Why would the Lord take away my desire for the very thing He has ordained?
And so even with His carrying my burden, sometimes that means I feel a little sadness in my wishing, some longing in my dreaming. It means I have experienced a pain that hits with such unexpected force that I cry uncontrollably, confused and hurt and literally fighting for breath while I wonder where it's even coming from.
But it also means I've gained an undeniable testimony of the love of my Savior and the power of His atonement. Because without Him, that one isolated and unfamiliar moment is where I would be stuck all of the time. He gives me the strength to be happy now. And that is a gift of such tremendous value. Because life is never going to be exactly what we expect. There are always going to be twists and turns, bumps and bruises. But as we learn to fully give our will to Him, He opens up doors for us we never could have imagined.
Thursday, December 12, 2019
Light the World
For Light the World today, it said to create and share a piece of art about Jesus Christ. So with writing as my chosen art form (for reasons previously explained), I spent a short amount of time writing this poem. It's nothing grand or amazing, but it was nice to spend some time creating something to celebrate Him this Christmas.
Jesus Christ
The Savior of the world
Redeemer of mankind
Came to save the world from sin
To suffer and to die
Born a lowly babe
Humble as can be
We celebrate His birth each year
The great Nativity
Do we remember Him
In all we do and say
Honoring His sacred name
Through actions everyday?
We may not have a star
Or singing angels near
But through our choices we can know
His Spirit will be here
Jesus Christ
The Savior of the world
Redeemer of mankind
Came to save the world from sin
To suffer and to die
Born a lowly babe
Humble as can be
We celebrate His birth each year
The great Nativity
Do we remember Him
In all we do and say
Honoring His sacred name
Through actions everyday?
We may not have a star
Or singing angels near
But through our choices we can know
His Spirit will be here
Wednesday, December 4, 2019
A Resolution in Creativity
I've been meaning to start writing more for quite a while now. I think part of why I've put it off so long is because I'm not quite sure what to write. But I've been feeling the pull too strongly to ignore. So here goes nothing!
I really do love writing. It enables me to express myself so much more clearly than I can when speaking. (#introvertproblems) I love being able to pause, rethink a phrase, and find exactly the right words to perfectly articulate my thoughts or fully convey my feelings. Tweaking and fine-tuning until I reach that sense of satisfaction that it's worded just right.
Plus it's about the only form of creating that I display any sort of competence in.
Crafts? Ya, right.
Composing? No way.
Drawing? Ha!
And I know, I know, "practice makes perfect." But what fun is practicing when you're no good? :P When it comes to stereotypical creativity, I've got nothing. I'm much more of a read the instructions, follow the pattern, "do as I say," kind of person. I make use of other people's creativity, absorb it from the outside in, not produce it from within. Trying to do otherwise just feels awkward and unnatural.
Except when writing.
Writing brings me that energized focus, that sense of passion and eagerness I imagine artists thrive on and strive for. Writing for me induces that "flow state" they describe.
I've heard it said that everyone should regularly engage in some form of creation. That it's part of our divine, inherent nature. I think that's why I'm drawn so much to writing. It's the one creative outlet I can actually plug into.
And so begins my attempt to more consistently engage with that inner creativity. To dig deep and bring forth something genuine and new. And why not share it with the ones I love most? :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)