Not going to lie, I feel a little sick with how nervous sharing this makes me. I have no problem sharing and expressing my feelings when it comes to how much I love and care about someone or other happy, positive things. But really personal, poignant things get kept much closer to the chest. Even opening up to Gabe about such things has been a learning experience these past 7 years. My inclination is to become quiet, draw inward, and do anything but share it with others. But I'm turning over a new leaf, right? So here goes.
Journal entry from Wednesday, September 4, 2019:
"Last night was...hard? strange? unexpected? unusual? I don't know that there's a proper word to appropriately describe it. I had a wonderful and enjoyable day yesterday. I have felt an abundance of the Spirit lately and great satisfaction with where life is at. Which is why last night caught me so off-guard.
Just before going to bed I had very deep, poignant feelings hit me. A profound sense of longing for children overcame me. It almost took my breath away. The pain was physical. I couldn't restrain tears. I thought of my various interactions with children lately and my opportunities to "mother" others' children. How easy it is in those scenarios to envision children of our own - to see what could be ourselves in some future day.
The innocence and purity of children and getting to be a part of their lives brings me joy and satisfaction. But it can also surface pain. It makes my own lack so much more apparent. It takes my focus off of what I have and places it squarely on what I lack. Sometimes I just want to be able to join in on the "mommy stories" and woes rather than merely listening. As much as I trust the Lord's wisdom, sometimes I just want that to be my life.
But as a whole lately I have felt such peace, joy, and contentment with my life. Which is why last night was so confusing. It seemed to come out of nowhere and was almost all-consuming. It was so painful, and so very real. I thought I had composed myself, and then it started again. I didn't know where it was coming from, but it almost seemed like somewhere other than myself.
After sharing it with Gabe and laying close to him, I thought of the children that await us. I wondered if they were there, right then, strengthening me. I sensed many children. I wasn't sure if they were to come in this life or the next, but I sensed a small group together.
Poetic words expressing my emotions ran through my head during the experience. I could see them as the beginning of longer, written prose. The desire to write it, to express myself, almost pulled me out of bed to do it then. If not for the late hour that we had gone to bed, I think I would have. I felt a need to write about it, a compelling, an inspiration.
As I think back and ponder on it all now, there seems to be an almost sacred nature about it. I can still vividly remember the depth of feeling. It's as though the very poignance of it makes it sacred. Because anything with that depth of emotion deserves regard and respect. Any other such profound experience I can remember has clearly been of a spiritual nature, and so by association it must also be regarded as such and considered sacred like the others.
And so I have done my best to record it, to convey the inexpressible through word, that it may be kept sacred and remembered, even when memories dim."
I'm not entirely sure why I felt the need to share this now. It was one single incident that took place over 3 months ago. But I'm learning the importance of really opening up to those you love, and sharing not just the happiness and joy, but also the pain and the struggles. Because that's what really bonds and brings you closer. How can they really understand and comprehend your joy if they haven't known your sorrow?
When others ask how I'm doing, I always say I'm doing really well. And I am. It's true that the Lord has given me a great deal of peace and assurance with where our life and family is at. Like I wrote in my journal, as a whole I feel great joy and contentment with my life. But that doesn't mean that the wishing and the hoping and even at times the longing has gone away. Because if it had, where would I be? We're supposed to want children and families. Why would the Lord take away my desire for the very thing He has ordained?
And so even with His carrying my burden, sometimes that means I feel a little sadness in my wishing, some longing in my dreaming. It means I have experienced a pain that hits with such unexpected force that I cry uncontrollably, confused and hurt and literally fighting for breath while I wonder where it's even coming from.
But it also means I've gained an undeniable testimony of the love of my Savior and the power of His atonement. Because without Him, that one isolated and unfamiliar moment is where I would be stuck all of the time. He gives me the strength to be happy now. And that is a gift of such tremendous value. Because life is never going to be exactly what we expect. There are always going to be twists and turns, bumps and bruises. But as we learn to fully give our will to Him, He opens up doors for us we never could have imagined.
Friday, December 13, 2019
Thursday, December 12, 2019
Light the World
For Light the World today, it said to create and share a piece of art about Jesus Christ. So with writing as my chosen art form (for reasons previously explained), I spent a short amount of time writing this poem. It's nothing grand or amazing, but it was nice to spend some time creating something to celebrate Him this Christmas.
Jesus Christ
The Savior of the world
Redeemer of mankind
Came to save the world from sin
To suffer and to die
Born a lowly babe
Humble as can be
We celebrate His birth each year
The great Nativity
Do we remember Him
In all we do and say
Honoring His sacred name
Through actions everyday?
We may not have a star
Or singing angels near
But through our choices we can know
His Spirit will be here
Jesus Christ
The Savior of the world
Redeemer of mankind
Came to save the world from sin
To suffer and to die
Born a lowly babe
Humble as can be
We celebrate His birth each year
The great Nativity
Do we remember Him
In all we do and say
Honoring His sacred name
Through actions everyday?
We may not have a star
Or singing angels near
But through our choices we can know
His Spirit will be here
Wednesday, December 4, 2019
A Resolution in Creativity
I've been meaning to start writing more for quite a while now. I think part of why I've put it off so long is because I'm not quite sure what to write. But I've been feeling the pull too strongly to ignore. So here goes nothing!
I really do love writing. It enables me to express myself so much more clearly than I can when speaking. (#introvertproblems) I love being able to pause, rethink a phrase, and find exactly the right words to perfectly articulate my thoughts or fully convey my feelings. Tweaking and fine-tuning until I reach that sense of satisfaction that it's worded just right.
Plus it's about the only form of creating that I display any sort of competence in.
Crafts? Ya, right.
Composing? No way.
Drawing? Ha!
And I know, I know, "practice makes perfect." But what fun is practicing when you're no good? :P When it comes to stereotypical creativity, I've got nothing. I'm much more of a read the instructions, follow the pattern, "do as I say," kind of person. I make use of other people's creativity, absorb it from the outside in, not produce it from within. Trying to do otherwise just feels awkward and unnatural.
Except when writing.
Writing brings me that energized focus, that sense of passion and eagerness I imagine artists thrive on and strive for. Writing for me induces that "flow state" they describe.
I've heard it said that everyone should regularly engage in some form of creation. That it's part of our divine, inherent nature. I think that's why I'm drawn so much to writing. It's the one creative outlet I can actually plug into.
And so begins my attempt to more consistently engage with that inner creativity. To dig deep and bring forth something genuine and new. And why not share it with the ones I love most? :)
Sunday, September 29, 2019
Changes
Wow, it seems like there is so much going on lately!
Today, Gabe was sustained and set apart as the 2nd counselor in the Bishopric. The previous counselor (a good friend of ours) was released after getting accepted into the FBI and leaving for Quantico. Everyone's been wondering who would replace him since finding out he was leaving. Well a week and a half ago, on a Wednesday evening, Gabe got a text from a member of the Stake Presidency around 6:30pm asking if he was available to come meet with him at the Stake Center at 7:30...that night, haha. So we pretty much knew what was happening, especially after he asked if I could come, too. (And then he asked if we could actually come at 7:15. Dinner was still cooking, so we ate late that night, haha).
Last weekend was Stake Conference, so they submitted Gabe's name for approval for ordination as a High Priest. His calling still hadn't been announced, but we got multiple knowing looks and texts from friends after that, haha. (One friend actually missed the name, because it was pronounced wrong, and so when Gabe stood up they thought, "Man, that guy looks a lot like Gabe!") Mom, Dad, and Lilly were able to come down that day so that Dad could do the ordination. It was a neat experience, and then we had a wonderful afternoon with them at our apartment. We were so grateful to still live near enough to family for them to be able to be a part of it.
Of course after the calling was announced today and Gabe was sustained, he was invited to join the rest of the Bishopric on the stand, and we were both invited to share our testimonies. It was a beautiful fast and testimony meeting (even though I had to sit alone). ;) Since there was the special broadcast during 2nd hour today, Gabe was set apart after all the meetings were over. That was a neat experience, too. It's always cool to hear the blessings given in conjunction with being set apart in a new calling. This will be something new for us, for sure!
And that was all a wonderful addition to the weekend we had already enjoyed serving in the temple. Just over a month ago we were called as Ordinance Workers in the Oklahoma City Temple. (Man that temple is tiny! The nickname "mini temples" is no exaggeration.) We were afraid we wouldn't be able to continue serving with Gabe being called into the Bishopric, but that policy has changed, so it's not a problem anymore! We go once a month, leave Friday morning so that we can catch an afternoon session before working the Friday evening, Saturday morning, and Saturday afternoon shifts. It makes for a very tiring, but amazing 2 days! We get done with our shift Friday around 9:30, then have to be back in the morning by 6:30, and we don't leave until after 3. Thankfully we are able to use one of the temple apartments/duplexes that are just across the parking lot! Then we have our 3 1/2 to 4 hour drive home. We were more than a little beat by the time we got home last night...but it is so worth it. :) We love the temple, and serving as Ordinance Workers, and getting to do it together, is such a treasure.
To add to our travel craziness, Gabe is now going to be working in Little Rock for 2 days at a time every other week. He had multiple patients driving up to Fayetteville to see him, and they had enough referrals that he decided he would go to them. It's definitely a huge blessing, and the people who convinced him to come have been so helpful and so nice. The 3 hour drive each way just makes our life a bit busier than it used to be! With Little Rock every other week, the temple in OKC once a month, and trying to visit family in Springfield once a month, we're going to be doing a lot of driving! But they're all for wonderful things, so I guess there's nothing to do except be grateful for it all! :)
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Books of 2019 - Part 1
I didn't really set any reading goals for this year. I just knew I wanted to continue reading a lot and keep track of them like last year. We were inside so much during January and February that I made my way through a lot of books (especially with all of Maxwell's books that I got for my birthday last year but hadn't read yet). By the end of February I realized that I had read more than an average of 1 book per week. So although that hadn't initially been my intention, I decided that was definitely my goal for the year! Here's where I'm at so far:
1. The Marriage Bureau for Rich People, by Farahad Zama - A fun, quick read I picked up for a book club I attend. Your average love story (who doesn't enjoy a good one at least every once in a while?), but with some interesting insights into the culture and lifestyle in part of India. This book reminded me why I don't read novels on a continual basis - once I get into the meat of the story I can't put them down!
2. Not My Will, But Thine, by Neal A. Maxwell - I love all of Maxwell's books. His overall theme of submitting ourselves to the Lord in all things touches my soul. And he writes it all so poetically.
3. Whom the Lord Loveth, by Neal A. Maxwell - The layout of this book felt almost like one of those daily devotional quote books - which meant I flew through it pretty quickly. It is a compilation of short (3-7 paragraph) messages on a variety of gospel topics. And of course I enjoyed it, because it's Elder Maxwell.
4. A Disciple's Life, by Bruce C. Hafen - I absolutely loved reading Elder Maxwell's biography. I loved the funny and insightful stories that make him so real and human. What was most fascinating to me was learning that his easy, gentle, feeling demeanor that seems so quintessentially him was not actually an innate gift, but learned attributes that he developed and strove for over time.
5. The Temple: Where Heaven Meets Earth, by Truman G. Madsen - I decided to read this one because of President Nelson's encouragement to learn more about the temple. It was fairly short, but a very good one.
6. The Greatest Generation, by Tom Brokaw - The "greatest generation" refers to those who were born and raised during the Depression, and then went off to participate in WWII in their early adulthood. The book was a compilation of stories and snippets from many of their lives. What I loved most was the recognition that another of the attributes that made this generation so great was their devotion and loyalty and family. So many who shared their stories, even while appreciating the increased work opportunities that came through the war, expressed their concern over the decreasing importance of the family in our society and it's being replaced by a love for work and material things.
7. Mafia to Mormon, by Mario Facione - A quick read that I thoroughly enjoyed. His was a fascinating story of hearing and accepting the truth, and doing everything in his power to live up to it. Within its 100 pages I went from laughing at the ironies to marveling at his faith and the profound instances of the Lord's hand guiding his life.
8. My Name Used to Be Muhammad, by Tito Momen - Another conversion story, this one about an African Muslim who joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was also fascinating, but much more somber at times than Mafia to Mormon. It was humbling to read about all that he gave up and sacrificed for his faith and belief in the gospel.
9. Notwithstanding My Weakness, by Neal A. Maxwell - I shared my favorite quotes from this book in an earlier post. Here are the lines that struck me deepest:
"Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead."
"When we are patiently growing and keeping the commandments of God and doing our duties, we are to that extent succeeding, a fact from which we should derive some quiet, inner reassurance."
10. But for a Small Moment, by Neal A. Maxwell - (finished 2/28) My favorite quote from this book, as well as a quoted poem he shared:
"For us to seek to wrench ourselves free of our schooling circumstances...could be to tear ourselves away from carefully matched opportunities. To rant and to rail could be go to against divine wisdom, wisdom in which we may once have concurred before we came here."
My life is but a weaving, between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow, and I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent, and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why
The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.
So much of Elder Maxwell's writing deals with the themes of humility, meekness, and submission to the Lord's will. He has such a powerful way of expressing their need and importance that strikes me deeply and makes me want to be better at applying them in my own life.
11. Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters, by Erica Komisar - (finished 2/28) Some really interesting studies and information from a family therapist about how important a mother's presence is in their young children's lives. Prioritizing family and motherhood is a passion of mine, especially with the understanding of the gospel. But as much as I already felt the significance of this, it's always nice to learn that scientific research and studies agree and are proving the truth as well. (Side note: I don't enjoy reading books with language. This one didn't have any, except there was one f-word in a poem that was cited in the preface I think. Easily skipped over if you knew it was there, and nothing else the rest of the book.)
Heroes of History, by Will Durant - I read about half of this one and gave up. I was really looking forward to a good history book, because I feel like my knowledge of history is severely lacking from public education. But the author had some clear biases that occasionally peaked through that just put me off. I probably would have pushed through and finished it anyway, but it was due back at the library and I was out of renewals...so I gave up on it.
12. Mansfield Park, by Jane Austen - (finished 3/6) Love Jane Austen! I had never really read her works until the last few years, but I have enjoyed them all. This is her longest work, and it was so fun to stick around with the characters for the greater length of the book. As usual, the plot was often predictable (as with every romance ever), but it's the characters and feeling you really read Austen for, and in that she did not disappoint.
13. If Thou Endure it Well, by Neal A. Maxwell - (finished 3/16) Again, always love his books and the message he shares!
14. Matthew Cowley Man of Faith, by Henry A. Smith - (finished 4/9) The first portion of the book was his biography, followed by a collection of his talks. I loved reading about his time with the Maori and Polynesians. Their faith inspires me!
15. Ephraim Hanks: Fearless Mormon Scout, by Ivan J Barrett - (finished 4/12) A fun, little biographic novel. He lived a faithful, extremely hardworking life, and was dealt some hard blows. But his faith and testimony always supported him.
16. A Peculiar Treasure: Old Testament Messages for Our Day, by Brent L. Top - (finished 4/27) I enjoyed this one. It was a fairly easy read, and shared many messages that I already recognized or understood. But as I've said many times to Gabe, reading gospel centered books like this feels like having a gospel conversation with someone new. It may be things you've thought about and learned before, but it's still refreshing and edifying to hear (or read) another's perspective and thoughts. I also greatly appreciated the overall message that the Old Testament is still relevant and important to our day and time.
17. The Other Side of Heaven, by John H. Groberg - (finished 4/29) So much better than the movie! Like I said, stories of the Polynesians and their faith inspire me. The spirit of Elder Groberg's books and the people he served is almost tangible. So many miraculous experiences because of their childlike faith, and Elder Groberg shares them with such humble simplicity. His writing and the experiences he shared were very impactful to me.
18. J. Golden Kimball: The Story of a Unique Personality, by Claude Richards - (finished 4/30) Like Elder Cowley's book, the first portion of this was a biography, and the second portion a collection of his talks. I flew through the biography, and enjoyed his talks as well. He clearly had a sense of humor, and could be a little rough around the edges, but not at all to the degree that we like to make him out to be.
19. Divine Signatures: The Confirming Hand of God, by Gerald N. Lund - (finished 5/11) Like I said with A Peculiar Treasure, this book was like having a gospel conversation with Elder Lund. He shared many stories from people's lives about times when the Lord's hand in their life was unmistakable.
20. What to Expect When No One's Expecting: America's Coming Demographic Disaster, by Jonathan V. Last - (finished 5/11) Similar to the book on prioritizing motherhood, this was a book filled with data and studies confirming something I feel strongly. It talked about the possible and seen hazards of a country that is not having enough children to replace its current population. There were definitely a few things that seemed sensationalized, and parts where his bias came through, but overall it was really interesting and fascinating to me. This quote from the introduction shows fairly well where we're allowing our society to go, "Pets have become fuzzy, low-maintenance replacements for children."
21. Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes, by Gordon B. Hinckley - (finished 5/11) I could hear President Hinckley's voice as I read his book! It was so fun to read his words again, and the book was filled with gems. Here's some of the ones I loved best.
"None of us needs someone who only points out our areas of weakness and the ways in which we have fallen short."
"There is something almost sacred about a great library because it represents the preservation of the wisdom, the learning, and the pondering of men and women of all the ages, accumulated under one roof."
"Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve."
"When pleasures or recreation become an end in itself, we are in danger...we simply cannot expect to refine the substance of character from the husks of pleasures."
And there are so many more! I love his words.
22. Spencer W. Kimball, by Edward L. Kimball and Andrew E. Kimball - (finished 5/20) I love biographies! It was especially fun to learn about a previous prophet that I previously knew little about. President Kimball endured so much physically while he served as an apostle. It is amazing all that those men give of themselves in their service to the Lord.
23. Marriage and Family: Gospel Insights, by Stephen R. Covey and Truman G. Madsen - (finished 6/7) I read this one while we were house sitting for some friends. I saw it on their bookshelf and thought it sounded like it was right up my alley. And it was! I always love tools to help me better fill my roles as wife and eventual mother. And I love how Truman Madsen writes and speaks. Some of my favorite quotes from the book:
"The home is, and remains, a sanctuary only to the degree that the persons within it are consecrated."
"A marriage which is attemptedly built on a foundation other than gospel principles not only probably will not last, in the larger sense, it will not live. It attempts the impossible: to derive life from non-life."
24. Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott - (finished 6/8) Oh what a heart-happy book! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, and was only sad that I hadn't read it sooner! I had to go back and watch the movie I grew up with after I finished - boy was that a disappointment. The movie follows the book about as well as any film does, but what disappointed me the most was the total lack of focus on spiritual and character development. That is everywhere in the book, Marmee constantly teaching the girls the importance of self-improvement and developing virtues, and it felt completely forgotten in the movie. Plus the relationships and everything were just so much more satisfying in the book! It was just so full of virtue and wisdom and truth - so much that we have lost and are losing in today's society. It was so refreshing to be immersed in it. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book (which prove the focus I loved so much about it):
"But don't let it spoil you, for it's wicked to throw away so many good gifts because you can't have the one you want." (I loved this one, because it feels like I theme in my life. It reminded me of the quote from Perelandra about making the fruit you have taste poor because of wishing for the one you didn't get.)
"She recognized the beauty of her sister's life - uneventful, yet full of the genuine virtues which 'smell sweet, and blossom in the dust,' the self-forgetfulness that makes the humblest on earth remembered soonest in heaven, the true success which is possible to all."
"Rich people have no right to sit down and enjoy themselves, or let their money accumulate for others to waste. It's not half so sensible to leave legacies when one dies as it is to use the money wisely while alive, and enjoy making one's fellow creatures happy with it.
25. The Fire of Faith, by John H. Groberg - (finished 6/27) Just as good as the first! Only this one shows a little more not just of the Polynesian's faith and willingness to sacrifice, but the Groberg's as well. He and his wife's example of faithfulness is inspiring in the truest sense of the word. Reading his books makes me want to be so much better and try so much harder. I want to have the faith that his family and the Polynesians he worked with have.
26. My Father, David O. McKay, by David Lawrence McKay - (finished 7/2) This biography was written by his son, sharing how he personally remembered his dad. It was a very sweet perspective. The McKay's treasured their family. I especially enjoyed the insights from President and Sister McKay on parenthood and raising children - definitely role models in that area!
Books I've begun, but not yet finished. (Some of them I'm almost through...others I read the first chapter but haven't picked them back up since...)
The Promised Messiah, by Bruce R. McConkie
A Study Guide to the Facsimiles of the Book of Abraham, by Allen J. Fletcher
A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens
Men with a Mission: The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the British Isles, by James B. Allen, Ronald K. Esplin, and David J. Whittaker
1. The Marriage Bureau for Rich People, by Farahad Zama - A fun, quick read I picked up for a book club I attend. Your average love story (who doesn't enjoy a good one at least every once in a while?), but with some interesting insights into the culture and lifestyle in part of India. This book reminded me why I don't read novels on a continual basis - once I get into the meat of the story I can't put them down!
2. Not My Will, But Thine, by Neal A. Maxwell - I love all of Maxwell's books. His overall theme of submitting ourselves to the Lord in all things touches my soul. And he writes it all so poetically.
3. Whom the Lord Loveth, by Neal A. Maxwell - The layout of this book felt almost like one of those daily devotional quote books - which meant I flew through it pretty quickly. It is a compilation of short (3-7 paragraph) messages on a variety of gospel topics. And of course I enjoyed it, because it's Elder Maxwell.
4. A Disciple's Life, by Bruce C. Hafen - I absolutely loved reading Elder Maxwell's biography. I loved the funny and insightful stories that make him so real and human. What was most fascinating to me was learning that his easy, gentle, feeling demeanor that seems so quintessentially him was not actually an innate gift, but learned attributes that he developed and strove for over time.
5. The Temple: Where Heaven Meets Earth, by Truman G. Madsen - I decided to read this one because of President Nelson's encouragement to learn more about the temple. It was fairly short, but a very good one.
6. The Greatest Generation, by Tom Brokaw - The "greatest generation" refers to those who were born and raised during the Depression, and then went off to participate in WWII in their early adulthood. The book was a compilation of stories and snippets from many of their lives. What I loved most was the recognition that another of the attributes that made this generation so great was their devotion and loyalty and family. So many who shared their stories, even while appreciating the increased work opportunities that came through the war, expressed their concern over the decreasing importance of the family in our society and it's being replaced by a love for work and material things.
7. Mafia to Mormon, by Mario Facione - A quick read that I thoroughly enjoyed. His was a fascinating story of hearing and accepting the truth, and doing everything in his power to live up to it. Within its 100 pages I went from laughing at the ironies to marveling at his faith and the profound instances of the Lord's hand guiding his life.
8. My Name Used to Be Muhammad, by Tito Momen - Another conversion story, this one about an African Muslim who joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was also fascinating, but much more somber at times than Mafia to Mormon. It was humbling to read about all that he gave up and sacrificed for his faith and belief in the gospel.
9. Notwithstanding My Weakness, by Neal A. Maxwell - I shared my favorite quotes from this book in an earlier post. Here are the lines that struck me deepest:
"Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead."
"When we are patiently growing and keeping the commandments of God and doing our duties, we are to that extent succeeding, a fact from which we should derive some quiet, inner reassurance."
10. But for a Small Moment, by Neal A. Maxwell - (finished 2/28) My favorite quote from this book, as well as a quoted poem he shared:
"For us to seek to wrench ourselves free of our schooling circumstances...could be to tear ourselves away from carefully matched opportunities. To rant and to rail could be go to against divine wisdom, wisdom in which we may once have concurred before we came here."
My life is but a weaving, between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily.
Ofttimes He weaveth sorrow, and I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent, and the shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why
The dark threads are as needful in the Weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.
So much of Elder Maxwell's writing deals with the themes of humility, meekness, and submission to the Lord's will. He has such a powerful way of expressing their need and importance that strikes me deeply and makes me want to be better at applying them in my own life.
11. Being There: Why Prioritizing Motherhood in the First Three Years Matters, by Erica Komisar - (finished 2/28) Some really interesting studies and information from a family therapist about how important a mother's presence is in their young children's lives. Prioritizing family and motherhood is a passion of mine, especially with the understanding of the gospel. But as much as I already felt the significance of this, it's always nice to learn that scientific research and studies agree and are proving the truth as well. (Side note: I don't enjoy reading books with language. This one didn't have any, except there was one f-word in a poem that was cited in the preface I think. Easily skipped over if you knew it was there, and nothing else the rest of the book.)
Heroes of History, by Will Durant - I read about half of this one and gave up. I was really looking forward to a good history book, because I feel like my knowledge of history is severely lacking from public education. But the author had some clear biases that occasionally peaked through that just put me off. I probably would have pushed through and finished it anyway, but it was due back at the library and I was out of renewals...so I gave up on it.
12. Mansfield Park, by Jane Austen - (finished 3/6) Love Jane Austen! I had never really read her works until the last few years, but I have enjoyed them all. This is her longest work, and it was so fun to stick around with the characters for the greater length of the book. As usual, the plot was often predictable (as with every romance ever), but it's the characters and feeling you really read Austen for, and in that she did not disappoint.
13. If Thou Endure it Well, by Neal A. Maxwell - (finished 3/16) Again, always love his books and the message he shares!
14. Matthew Cowley Man of Faith, by Henry A. Smith - (finished 4/9) The first portion of the book was his biography, followed by a collection of his talks. I loved reading about his time with the Maori and Polynesians. Their faith inspires me!
15. Ephraim Hanks: Fearless Mormon Scout, by Ivan J Barrett - (finished 4/12) A fun, little biographic novel. He lived a faithful, extremely hardworking life, and was dealt some hard blows. But his faith and testimony always supported him.
16. A Peculiar Treasure: Old Testament Messages for Our Day, by Brent L. Top - (finished 4/27) I enjoyed this one. It was a fairly easy read, and shared many messages that I already recognized or understood. But as I've said many times to Gabe, reading gospel centered books like this feels like having a gospel conversation with someone new. It may be things you've thought about and learned before, but it's still refreshing and edifying to hear (or read) another's perspective and thoughts. I also greatly appreciated the overall message that the Old Testament is still relevant and important to our day and time.
17. The Other Side of Heaven, by John H. Groberg - (finished 4/29) So much better than the movie! Like I said, stories of the Polynesians and their faith inspire me. The spirit of Elder Groberg's books and the people he served is almost tangible. So many miraculous experiences because of their childlike faith, and Elder Groberg shares them with such humble simplicity. His writing and the experiences he shared were very impactful to me.
18. J. Golden Kimball: The Story of a Unique Personality, by Claude Richards - (finished 4/30) Like Elder Cowley's book, the first portion of this was a biography, and the second portion a collection of his talks. I flew through the biography, and enjoyed his talks as well. He clearly had a sense of humor, and could be a little rough around the edges, but not at all to the degree that we like to make him out to be.
19. Divine Signatures: The Confirming Hand of God, by Gerald N. Lund - (finished 5/11) Like I said with A Peculiar Treasure, this book was like having a gospel conversation with Elder Lund. He shared many stories from people's lives about times when the Lord's hand in their life was unmistakable.
20. What to Expect When No One's Expecting: America's Coming Demographic Disaster, by Jonathan V. Last - (finished 5/11) Similar to the book on prioritizing motherhood, this was a book filled with data and studies confirming something I feel strongly. It talked about the possible and seen hazards of a country that is not having enough children to replace its current population. There were definitely a few things that seemed sensationalized, and parts where his bias came through, but overall it was really interesting and fascinating to me. This quote from the introduction shows fairly well where we're allowing our society to go, "Pets have become fuzzy, low-maintenance replacements for children."
21. Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes, by Gordon B. Hinckley - (finished 5/11) I could hear President Hinckley's voice as I read his book! It was so fun to read his words again, and the book was filled with gems. Here's some of the ones I loved best.
"None of us needs someone who only points out our areas of weakness and the ways in which we have fallen short."
"There is something almost sacred about a great library because it represents the preservation of the wisdom, the learning, and the pondering of men and women of all the ages, accumulated under one roof."
"Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve."
"When pleasures or recreation become an end in itself, we are in danger...we simply cannot expect to refine the substance of character from the husks of pleasures."
And there are so many more! I love his words.
22. Spencer W. Kimball, by Edward L. Kimball and Andrew E. Kimball - (finished 5/20) I love biographies! It was especially fun to learn about a previous prophet that I previously knew little about. President Kimball endured so much physically while he served as an apostle. It is amazing all that those men give of themselves in their service to the Lord.
23. Marriage and Family: Gospel Insights, by Stephen R. Covey and Truman G. Madsen - (finished 6/7) I read this one while we were house sitting for some friends. I saw it on their bookshelf and thought it sounded like it was right up my alley. And it was! I always love tools to help me better fill my roles as wife and eventual mother. And I love how Truman Madsen writes and speaks. Some of my favorite quotes from the book:
"The home is, and remains, a sanctuary only to the degree that the persons within it are consecrated."
"A marriage which is attemptedly built on a foundation other than gospel principles not only probably will not last, in the larger sense, it will not live. It attempts the impossible: to derive life from non-life."
24. Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott - (finished 6/8) Oh what a heart-happy book! I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, and was only sad that I hadn't read it sooner! I had to go back and watch the movie I grew up with after I finished - boy was that a disappointment. The movie follows the book about as well as any film does, but what disappointed me the most was the total lack of focus on spiritual and character development. That is everywhere in the book, Marmee constantly teaching the girls the importance of self-improvement and developing virtues, and it felt completely forgotten in the movie. Plus the relationships and everything were just so much more satisfying in the book! It was just so full of virtue and wisdom and truth - so much that we have lost and are losing in today's society. It was so refreshing to be immersed in it. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book (which prove the focus I loved so much about it):
"But don't let it spoil you, for it's wicked to throw away so many good gifts because you can't have the one you want." (I loved this one, because it feels like I theme in my life. It reminded me of the quote from Perelandra about making the fruit you have taste poor because of wishing for the one you didn't get.)
"She recognized the beauty of her sister's life - uneventful, yet full of the genuine virtues which 'smell sweet, and blossom in the dust,' the self-forgetfulness that makes the humblest on earth remembered soonest in heaven, the true success which is possible to all."
"Rich people have no right to sit down and enjoy themselves, or let their money accumulate for others to waste. It's not half so sensible to leave legacies when one dies as it is to use the money wisely while alive, and enjoy making one's fellow creatures happy with it.
25. The Fire of Faith, by John H. Groberg - (finished 6/27) Just as good as the first! Only this one shows a little more not just of the Polynesian's faith and willingness to sacrifice, but the Groberg's as well. He and his wife's example of faithfulness is inspiring in the truest sense of the word. Reading his books makes me want to be so much better and try so much harder. I want to have the faith that his family and the Polynesians he worked with have.
26. My Father, David O. McKay, by David Lawrence McKay - (finished 7/2) This biography was written by his son, sharing how he personally remembered his dad. It was a very sweet perspective. The McKay's treasured their family. I especially enjoyed the insights from President and Sister McKay on parenthood and raising children - definitely role models in that area!
Books I've begun, but not yet finished. (Some of them I'm almost through...others I read the first chapter but haven't picked them back up since...)
The Promised Messiah, by Bruce R. McConkie
A Study Guide to the Facsimiles of the Book of Abraham, by Allen J. Fletcher
A Tale of Two Cities, by Charles Dickens
Men with a Mission: The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the British Isles, by James B. Allen, Ronald K. Esplin, and David J. Whittaker
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
Musings
I think one of the hardest things with our journey in infertility (it feels strange to use that word, even though it clearly applies by the world's standards, because I don't feel like I'm unable to conceive; I feel that it's just not currently the Lord's timing. And with an eternal perspective, I know that as long as we're faithful, I will conceive.) is how unique our situation is, how unique every situation is. There is no handbook of instructions, no check-list of to-do items to achieve the desired results. But when others share their experiences, it feels like maybe there is a right and wrong way of doing things, and perhaps you're doing it wrong if you're not taking the same steps as them.
I feel like we are doing exactly what we're supposed to, and that if we need to change something, the Lord will direct us. But then I listen to a talk about the parable of the importuning widow, or the need to give away all our sins to receive the blessing we seek, or quotes about doing everything within our own power to bring about a desired result, and I question myself. Should we be doing that instead?
But then I think of those in the scriptures who were condemned or chastised for "steadying the ark" or tempting the Lord. And I think of the counsel I've received to trust the answers I've already been given. And I know that we were guided specifically to not pursue infertility testing. I know I have been told to be grateful for what I already have, to trust in His timing and promises, to be meek and accepting of His will, and to "stand still and see the salvation of God." I know that I can and am receiving guidance through personal revelation each day. And I know that I am on the right path and my life is acceptable before Him because of the workings of the Holy Ghost through me.
It's not hard to know what to do. But it is hard at times to remain confident in myself and the answers I've received. It is hard at times to know unquestioningly. But I'm working on it. And thankfully I'm not on my own.
"I do not know the meaning of all things...nevertheless, I know that he loveth his children" (1 Nephi 11:17).
I feel like we are doing exactly what we're supposed to, and that if we need to change something, the Lord will direct us. But then I listen to a talk about the parable of the importuning widow, or the need to give away all our sins to receive the blessing we seek, or quotes about doing everything within our own power to bring about a desired result, and I question myself. Should we be doing that instead?
But then I think of those in the scriptures who were condemned or chastised for "steadying the ark" or tempting the Lord. And I think of the counsel I've received to trust the answers I've already been given. And I know that we were guided specifically to not pursue infertility testing. I know I have been told to be grateful for what I already have, to trust in His timing and promises, to be meek and accepting of His will, and to "stand still and see the salvation of God." I know that I can and am receiving guidance through personal revelation each day. And I know that I am on the right path and my life is acceptable before Him because of the workings of the Holy Ghost through me.
It's not hard to know what to do. But it is hard at times to remain confident in myself and the answers I've received. It is hard at times to know unquestioningly. But I'm working on it. And thankfully I'm not on my own.
"I do not know the meaning of all things...nevertheless, I know that he loveth his children" (1 Nephi 11:17).
Thursday, February 28, 2019
January Blues
January was rough. As well as parts of early February. I wanted to be positive and productive, but it seemed so much harder than it had been the previous weeks and months. I was more emotional about how long it's taking us to have kids. I was less devoted and invested in my scripture study and prayers. I didn't want to be around people. I put off housework and cooking as much as possible. Then we went to the temple the last weekend in January.
It was such a sweet reprieve. I always love going to the temple, but this time it felt so refreshing and nourishing. The entire time I just felt an overwhelming abundance of the Spirit, filling my cup and making up for all the struggling I'd been feeling that month. It felt so needed and so fulfilling. And I was so very grateful.
But then we returned home and went back to life as usual. And much of the listlessness returned. I hated feeling that way. It felt so unreasonable. And then about a week later we had a few days of beautiful sunshine and temperatures in the 60's and 70's. It was so refreshing to see bright, sunny skies again! We spent more time outdoors, taking long walks at the lake nearby.
One of those afternoons, I realized how much easier it had been that day to feel happy and upbeat compared to the past month. And then I remembered last year. I remembered struggling throughout January and early February, feeling purposeless, and wrestling more than usual with my personal worship and infertility. And then the pattern became so obvious! I was amazed to realize how much I can be affected by winter, the lack of warmth and sunshine. (Especially when our winters have been so mild lately compared to what they used to be.) And recognizing that made things a little easier. As did these quotes from Elder Neal A. Maxwell that I came across while reading his book, "Notwithstanding My Weakness."
"The seeming flat periods of life give us a blessed chance to reflect upon what is past as well as to be readied for some rather stirring climbs ahead. Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead. Instead of grumbling and murmuring, we should be consolidating and reflecting, which would simply not happen if life were an uninterrupted sequence of fantastic scenery, confrontive events, or exhilarating conversation."
"Thus, when we are patiently growing and keeping the commandments of God and doing our duties, we are to that extent succeeding, a fact from which we should derive some quiet, inner reassurance. Knowing that we are in the process of succeeding, even though we have much to do and much to improve upon, can help us to move forward."
I am so grateful for the inspired words of faithful disciples of Christ. Grateful for the encouragement to recognize our seemingly unrecognizable successes. For the counsel to reflect on the past and ready ourselves for the future. And I am grateful for the coming days of spring and summer!
It was such a sweet reprieve. I always love going to the temple, but this time it felt so refreshing and nourishing. The entire time I just felt an overwhelming abundance of the Spirit, filling my cup and making up for all the struggling I'd been feeling that month. It felt so needed and so fulfilling. And I was so very grateful.
But then we returned home and went back to life as usual. And much of the listlessness returned. I hated feeling that way. It felt so unreasonable. And then about a week later we had a few days of beautiful sunshine and temperatures in the 60's and 70's. It was so refreshing to see bright, sunny skies again! We spent more time outdoors, taking long walks at the lake nearby.
One of those afternoons, I realized how much easier it had been that day to feel happy and upbeat compared to the past month. And then I remembered last year. I remembered struggling throughout January and early February, feeling purposeless, and wrestling more than usual with my personal worship and infertility. And then the pattern became so obvious! I was amazed to realize how much I can be affected by winter, the lack of warmth and sunshine. (Especially when our winters have been so mild lately compared to what they used to be.) And recognizing that made things a little easier. As did these quotes from Elder Neal A. Maxwell that I came across while reading his book, "Notwithstanding My Weakness."
"The seeming flat periods of life give us a blessed chance to reflect upon what is past as well as to be readied for some rather stirring climbs ahead. Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead. Instead of grumbling and murmuring, we should be consolidating and reflecting, which would simply not happen if life were an uninterrupted sequence of fantastic scenery, confrontive events, or exhilarating conversation."
"Thus, when we are patiently growing and keeping the commandments of God and doing our duties, we are to that extent succeeding, a fact from which we should derive some quiet, inner reassurance. Knowing that we are in the process of succeeding, even though we have much to do and much to improve upon, can help us to move forward."
I am so grateful for the inspired words of faithful disciples of Christ. Grateful for the encouragement to recognize our seemingly unrecognizable successes. For the counsel to reflect on the past and ready ourselves for the future. And I am grateful for the coming days of spring and summer!
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Books of 2018
The Book of Mormon - I read the whole thing through in 2 months time, the fastest I've ever read it, and it was a totally new experience for me. Mostly, it required that I spend a greater amount of time reading from it each day, which made a huge difference in my life. But also, different themes and recurring words and phrases stood out to me because I was getting a broader overview reading it so quickly. Words like diligent, and themes like peace vs. contention. Then as soon as I finished it, I started reading it in relation to the order and time frame it was translated. Julia and I did this together, and it was so fun having someone to discuss my thoughts with each day. Then again I read through it at the end of the year after President Nelson challenged the women to do so before the end of the year.
Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen - I tried to start this one last year, but didn't push through the early pages enough to get into it. Once I got past the very beginning, it ended up being a fairly quick read. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't nearly as satisfying of a story for me as Persuasion and Pride and Prejudice were. I just didn't connect with the characters as much. Still worth the read, but not my favorite.
A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L'Engle - I was surprised by how many abstract themes and ideas were in this "children's book." Also, I'm so used to today's anti-religion sentiments, that I was surprised to find it so clearly a part of the message. My favorite part was toward the end, when life is compared to a sonnet.
"In your language you have a form of poetry called the sonnet...It is a very strict form of poetry is it not? There are fourteen lines, all in iambic pentameter. And each line has to end with a rigid rhyme pattern. And if the poet does not do it exactly this way, it is not a sonnet, is it? But within this strict form the poet as complete freedom to say whatever he wants, doesn't he?
You're comparing our lives to a sonnet? A strict form, but freedom within it?
Yes. You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you."
Out of the Silent Planet, by C.S. Lewis - This was a very philosophical piece of fiction. Although it's a very short book, it took me a while to read because the story line doesn't "suck you in" like other novels. Reading it took much more thought, but I definitely enjoyed it. These were a few of my favorite quotes from it. C. S. Lewis always has such profound insight.
"The darkness in your own mind filled you with fear."
"A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory were another. It is all one thing. What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure."
"I do not think the forest would be so bright, nor the water so warm, nor love so sweet, if there were no danger in the lakes...There I drank life because death was in the pool."
"The best of drinks is death itself because in the day I drink it I go to Maledil."
Lying in Weight, by Trisha Gura - A look at how eating disorders affect women at various stages in their lives, past adolescence. Having a few of my closest friends seriously struggle with eating disorders of their own, and seeing how prevalent it is among girls, I wanted to understand and learn more about them. The book had a nice combination of personal experiences as well as research and scientific study to support its claims. Very eye opening and well written.
The Infinite Atonement, by Tad R. Callister - While reading the Book of Mormon together, Julia asked me to read this with her as well. I would say this is widely considered a classic among LDS literature, and I can see why. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the very center of our faith and religion, and as such, Brother Callister reminds us of the responsibility we have to study and try to understand it. It's beautifully written. I enjoyed reading it, and definitely learned and expanded my understanding through it.
All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, by Neal A. Maxwell - This is the first I've really read of Maxwell, and he quickly became a favorite. Everything he writes is so rich and poetic. Each time I would sit down to read I had to remind myself that I couldn't mark every single line or that would defeat the purpose of highlighting. It was a quick, yet profound read for me, and made me eager to read more of his (many) books.
Perelandra, by C.S. Lewis - This second book in the Space Trilogy had even less of a story line than the first. I did enjoy it, but much more of the writing was spent in describing the unique surroundings of this new world and in long conversation. Probably my least favorite of the trilogy. But again, it was full of C. S. Lewis's simple, yet profound insights. Here's a few of my favorites.
"I realise it's all rather too vague for you to put into words." "On the contrary, it is words that are vague. The reason why the thing can't be expressed is that it's too definite for language." - I think this is a beautiful description of some of my most personal, treasured, and sacred moments in life.
"You could send your soul after the good you had expected, instead of turning it to the good you had got. You could refuse the real good; you cold make the real fruit taste insipid by thinking of the other." - This is a principle that has come to have great meaning to me personally. The importance of trusting the Lord's will over your own, of trusting Him as the gardener in your life and finding joy in what He gives you, rather than what you had planned on or hoped for.
"What the Un-man said was always very nearly true." - Such an important reminder about the lies of the adversary.
Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis - Fantastic book. So many quotes and phrases that I marked and could share.
Like this one on charity: "I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small."
Or his discussions on our "raw material." "Human beings judge one another by their external actions. God judges them by their moral choices...Some of us who seem quite nice people may, in fact, have made so little use of a good heredity and a good upbringing that we are really worse than those whom we regard as fiends...We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it." - This one really hit home for me. When I look back at my life, I feel like I've been given about the best "raw material" a person can be given - I was blessed with so many of the ideals that everyone else dreams of. And that puts on me a great responsibility to use it well. I think this was my biggest take away from this book, a deep sense of importance of using well all that I have been given.
That Hideous Strength, by C.S. Lewis - The final book in the Space Trilogy, and my favorite. Even though it's way longer than the first two books, I read this one the fastest because it was much more like typical novels in it's plot and character development. Although the ending wasn't completely satisfying for me, I really enjoyed the story. And even though it was written more like your average novel, it was still a C. S. Lewis book, and therefore full of philosophical and theological gems. Although it took me a while to realize the irony of the acronym of the "enemy's" institution, the N.I.C.E. haha.
"I suppose there are two views about everything." "Eh? Two views? There are a dozen views about everything until you know the answer. Then there's never more than one."
"...his education had had the curious effect of making things that he read and wrote more real to him than things he saw. Statistics about agricultural laborers were the substance; any real ditcher, ploughman, or farmer's boy, was the shadow."
"Isn't it absolutely essential to keep a fierce Left and a fierce Right, both on their toes and each terrified of the other? Any opposition to the N.I.C.E. is represented as a Left racket in the Right papers and a Right racket in the Left papers." "I don't believe you can do that. Not with the papers that are read by educated people." "Haven't you realised that it's the other way around? It's the educated reader who CAN be gulled. All our difficulty comes with the others. When did you meet a workman who believes the papers? He takes it for granted they're all propaganda and skips the leading articles. He is our problem. We have to recondition him. But the educated public don't need reconditioning. They're all right already. They'll believe anything."
"...obedience and rule are more like a dance than a drill."
"It is enough for the present. This is the courtesy of Deep Heaven: that when you mean well, He always takes you to have meant better than you knew. It will not be enough for always. But for tonight, it is enough."
Northanger Abbey, by Jane Austen - Compared to her other novels, this felt like a fun, silly story. It follows a naive girl whose world-view is largely based off of her home life and popular novels that she has read. Consequently, she tends to assume much more dramatic, gothic themed reasons and intentions than are really true as she leaves home for the first time. The ending wrapped up rather quickly without much story telling, but overall I really enjoyed it.
C.S. Lewis - A Life, by Alister McGrath - After reading so much of his work, I wanted to know more about him as a person! This biography just happened to be the most popular one our library had, so I grabbed it. And it was a pretty good one. There were some great quotes from Lewis, as well as some good lines from the biographer.
"Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago." - Lewis
"'A young man who wishes to remain a sound Athiest cannot be too careful of his reading. There are traps everywhere.' Lewis's reading of the classics of English Literature forced him to encounter and evaluate the ideas and attitudes that they embodied and expressed. And to his chagrin, Lewis began to realise that those who were grounded on a Christian outlook seemed to offer the most resilient and persuasive treaty with reality." - This one made me laugh. :)
"Christianity tells a true story about humanity, which makes sense of all the stories that humanity tells about itself."
"That was how Lewis and Tolkien expanded their horizons: through books, through friends, and through friends discussing books."
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." - Lewis
The Screwtape Letters, by C. S. Lewis - I almost got stuck in the middle of this one, because there's not really a plot to follow through, it's almost more like a collection of narrative essays on various topics. But, as always, there was so much truth and insight to be found in it.
We Were Not Alone, by Patricia Reece Roper and Karola Hilbert Reece - This is the story of an LDS family's survival of World War II in Berlin, Germany. It was a very quick read - just over 200 pages - but a very stirring one as well - I finished it in two days because I didn't want to put it down. Reading about the faith of this family in the midst of the horrors of war and the miracles they witnessed in their times of need was amazing. Truly inspiring and definitely one I'd recommend.
Sky, by Hanneke Ippisch - Ok, this was a SUPER quick read - as in, I finished it in a couple of hours. But it was really good. It's the author's account of her experiences in Holland during WWII. She was a teenager when Holland was occupied by the Germans, and began working with the Dutch Resistance. I got on a bit of a WWII kick and enjoyed reading another perspective.
A Distant Prayer, by Joseph Banks and Jerry Borrowman - Another WWII, haha. This one is the personal account of an LDS airman who was shot down over enemy territory and became a POW. As with any WWII book, lots of eye opening and heart rending experiences.
The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom - Sheri recommended it to me when I told her I was on a WWII kick, and I am so grateful she did! The example of Christian courage, and the enduring faith and hope of her family to see God is all of their circumstances, including the extremely unfavorable, was so motivating and empowering. Beautiful, beautiful true story.
The Dawning of a Brighter Day: The Church in Black Africa, by Alexander B. Morrison - A neat read about the great faith of the Saints in Africa despite their difficult circumstances.
Saints - I felt like I learned so much about church history from this! And the narrative format made it so enjoyable. I'm excited to read the following volumes.
Catch Me If You Can, by Frank Abagnale Jr. - This guy's story is just crazy...seriously. He was so gutsy and confident and had some crazy good luck...followed by some unimaginably horrid consequences. Very fun and interesting read.
Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor E. Frankl - Again, I enjoyed hearing another's perspective and experiences from WWII. So much pain and suffering by so many.
Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type, by Isabel Briggs Meyers and Peter B. Meyers - I thoroughly enjoyed this one. To me, personality type is a way to better understand and relate to the people around me, and this really added to the depth of my understanding. There are so many people that I initially feel like I just don't get, and this gives me the tools to see things from their perspective and try and relate.
A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens - If you've seen any of the movie adaptations of this, you've basically read the book! It's a short enough and classic enough story that most adaptations really do follow the book well. It was fun to actually read it though, especially at Christmastime.
Things as They Really Are, by Neal A. Maxwell - As always, full of poetic and insightful one liners and paragraphs. I really enjoy Elder Maxwell's work.
Books that I started but didn't finish:
News of the World, by Pauline Jiles - I just couldn't get into it. The story line interested me, but the writing style felt super weird. There were no quotations around the dialogue, and it got confusing separating conversation from people's inner voices.
"Not My Will, But Thine", by Neal A. Maxwell - A good one, I just got caught up with other books that I was reading, so I'm finishing it now.
A Disciple's Life, by Bruce C. Hafen - The biography of Elder Maxwell. It begins with a pivotal life event, and then goes into a chronological biography, which kind of threw me off. And then of course the story of his parents and grandparents was covered before delving into his life. So I wasn't as drawn in as the other books I was reading at the time. I'm finishing it now though, and am absolutely enjoying it. I've discovered a real love for biographies.
Isaiah in the Book of Mormon - I'm not sure I'll ever get around to finishing this one. It's a collection of different essays and work by scholars on Isaiah. I've appreciated what I've learned so far, it's just a little dense to get through.
Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen - I tried to start this one last year, but didn't push through the early pages enough to get into it. Once I got past the very beginning, it ended up being a fairly quick read. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't nearly as satisfying of a story for me as Persuasion and Pride and Prejudice were. I just didn't connect with the characters as much. Still worth the read, but not my favorite.
A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L'Engle - I was surprised by how many abstract themes and ideas were in this "children's book." Also, I'm so used to today's anti-religion sentiments, that I was surprised to find it so clearly a part of the message. My favorite part was toward the end, when life is compared to a sonnet.
"In your language you have a form of poetry called the sonnet...It is a very strict form of poetry is it not? There are fourteen lines, all in iambic pentameter. And each line has to end with a rigid rhyme pattern. And if the poet does not do it exactly this way, it is not a sonnet, is it? But within this strict form the poet as complete freedom to say whatever he wants, doesn't he?
You're comparing our lives to a sonnet? A strict form, but freedom within it?
Yes. You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you."
Out of the Silent Planet, by C.S. Lewis - This was a very philosophical piece of fiction. Although it's a very short book, it took me a while to read because the story line doesn't "suck you in" like other novels. Reading it took much more thought, but I definitely enjoyed it. These were a few of my favorite quotes from it. C. S. Lewis always has such profound insight.
"The darkness in your own mind filled you with fear."
"A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory were another. It is all one thing. What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure."
"I do not think the forest would be so bright, nor the water so warm, nor love so sweet, if there were no danger in the lakes...There I drank life because death was in the pool."
"The best of drinks is death itself because in the day I drink it I go to Maledil."
Lying in Weight, by Trisha Gura - A look at how eating disorders affect women at various stages in their lives, past adolescence. Having a few of my closest friends seriously struggle with eating disorders of their own, and seeing how prevalent it is among girls, I wanted to understand and learn more about them. The book had a nice combination of personal experiences as well as research and scientific study to support its claims. Very eye opening and well written.
The Infinite Atonement, by Tad R. Callister - While reading the Book of Mormon together, Julia asked me to read this with her as well. I would say this is widely considered a classic among LDS literature, and I can see why. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the very center of our faith and religion, and as such, Brother Callister reminds us of the responsibility we have to study and try to understand it. It's beautifully written. I enjoyed reading it, and definitely learned and expanded my understanding through it.
All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, by Neal A. Maxwell - This is the first I've really read of Maxwell, and he quickly became a favorite. Everything he writes is so rich and poetic. Each time I would sit down to read I had to remind myself that I couldn't mark every single line or that would defeat the purpose of highlighting. It was a quick, yet profound read for me, and made me eager to read more of his (many) books.
Perelandra, by C.S. Lewis - This second book in the Space Trilogy had even less of a story line than the first. I did enjoy it, but much more of the writing was spent in describing the unique surroundings of this new world and in long conversation. Probably my least favorite of the trilogy. But again, it was full of C. S. Lewis's simple, yet profound insights. Here's a few of my favorites.
"I realise it's all rather too vague for you to put into words." "On the contrary, it is words that are vague. The reason why the thing can't be expressed is that it's too definite for language." - I think this is a beautiful description of some of my most personal, treasured, and sacred moments in life.
"You could send your soul after the good you had expected, instead of turning it to the good you had got. You could refuse the real good; you cold make the real fruit taste insipid by thinking of the other." - This is a principle that has come to have great meaning to me personally. The importance of trusting the Lord's will over your own, of trusting Him as the gardener in your life and finding joy in what He gives you, rather than what you had planned on or hoped for.
"What the Un-man said was always very nearly true." - Such an important reminder about the lies of the adversary.
Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis - Fantastic book. So many quotes and phrases that I marked and could share.
Like this one on charity: "I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small."
Or his discussions on our "raw material." "Human beings judge one another by their external actions. God judges them by their moral choices...Some of us who seem quite nice people may, in fact, have made so little use of a good heredity and a good upbringing that we are really worse than those whom we regard as fiends...We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it." - This one really hit home for me. When I look back at my life, I feel like I've been given about the best "raw material" a person can be given - I was blessed with so many of the ideals that everyone else dreams of. And that puts on me a great responsibility to use it well. I think this was my biggest take away from this book, a deep sense of importance of using well all that I have been given.
That Hideous Strength, by C.S. Lewis - The final book in the Space Trilogy, and my favorite. Even though it's way longer than the first two books, I read this one the fastest because it was much more like typical novels in it's plot and character development. Although the ending wasn't completely satisfying for me, I really enjoyed the story. And even though it was written more like your average novel, it was still a C. S. Lewis book, and therefore full of philosophical and theological gems. Although it took me a while to realize the irony of the acronym of the "enemy's" institution, the N.I.C.E. haha.
"I suppose there are two views about everything." "Eh? Two views? There are a dozen views about everything until you know the answer. Then there's never more than one."
"...his education had had the curious effect of making things that he read and wrote more real to him than things he saw. Statistics about agricultural laborers were the substance; any real ditcher, ploughman, or farmer's boy, was the shadow."
"Isn't it absolutely essential to keep a fierce Left and a fierce Right, both on their toes and each terrified of the other? Any opposition to the N.I.C.E. is represented as a Left racket in the Right papers and a Right racket in the Left papers." "I don't believe you can do that. Not with the papers that are read by educated people." "Haven't you realised that it's the other way around? It's the educated reader who CAN be gulled. All our difficulty comes with the others. When did you meet a workman who believes the papers? He takes it for granted they're all propaganda and skips the leading articles. He is our problem. We have to recondition him. But the educated public don't need reconditioning. They're all right already. They'll believe anything."
"...obedience and rule are more like a dance than a drill."
"It is enough for the present. This is the courtesy of Deep Heaven: that when you mean well, He always takes you to have meant better than you knew. It will not be enough for always. But for tonight, it is enough."
Northanger Abbey, by Jane Austen - Compared to her other novels, this felt like a fun, silly story. It follows a naive girl whose world-view is largely based off of her home life and popular novels that she has read. Consequently, she tends to assume much more dramatic, gothic themed reasons and intentions than are really true as she leaves home for the first time. The ending wrapped up rather quickly without much story telling, but overall I really enjoyed it.
C.S. Lewis - A Life, by Alister McGrath - After reading so much of his work, I wanted to know more about him as a person! This biography just happened to be the most popular one our library had, so I grabbed it. And it was a pretty good one. There were some great quotes from Lewis, as well as some good lines from the biographer.
"Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago." - Lewis
"'A young man who wishes to remain a sound Athiest cannot be too careful of his reading. There are traps everywhere.' Lewis's reading of the classics of English Literature forced him to encounter and evaluate the ideas and attitudes that they embodied and expressed. And to his chagrin, Lewis began to realise that those who were grounded on a Christian outlook seemed to offer the most resilient and persuasive treaty with reality." - This one made me laugh. :)
"Christianity tells a true story about humanity, which makes sense of all the stories that humanity tells about itself."
"That was how Lewis and Tolkien expanded their horizons: through books, through friends, and through friends discussing books."
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." - Lewis
The Screwtape Letters, by C. S. Lewis - I almost got stuck in the middle of this one, because there's not really a plot to follow through, it's almost more like a collection of narrative essays on various topics. But, as always, there was so much truth and insight to be found in it.
We Were Not Alone, by Patricia Reece Roper and Karola Hilbert Reece - This is the story of an LDS family's survival of World War II in Berlin, Germany. It was a very quick read - just over 200 pages - but a very stirring one as well - I finished it in two days because I didn't want to put it down. Reading about the faith of this family in the midst of the horrors of war and the miracles they witnessed in their times of need was amazing. Truly inspiring and definitely one I'd recommend.
Sky, by Hanneke Ippisch - Ok, this was a SUPER quick read - as in, I finished it in a couple of hours. But it was really good. It's the author's account of her experiences in Holland during WWII. She was a teenager when Holland was occupied by the Germans, and began working with the Dutch Resistance. I got on a bit of a WWII kick and enjoyed reading another perspective.
A Distant Prayer, by Joseph Banks and Jerry Borrowman - Another WWII, haha. This one is the personal account of an LDS airman who was shot down over enemy territory and became a POW. As with any WWII book, lots of eye opening and heart rending experiences.
The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom - Sheri recommended it to me when I told her I was on a WWII kick, and I am so grateful she did! The example of Christian courage, and the enduring faith and hope of her family to see God is all of their circumstances, including the extremely unfavorable, was so motivating and empowering. Beautiful, beautiful true story.
The Dawning of a Brighter Day: The Church in Black Africa, by Alexander B. Morrison - A neat read about the great faith of the Saints in Africa despite their difficult circumstances.
Saints - I felt like I learned so much about church history from this! And the narrative format made it so enjoyable. I'm excited to read the following volumes.
Catch Me If You Can, by Frank Abagnale Jr. - This guy's story is just crazy...seriously. He was so gutsy and confident and had some crazy good luck...followed by some unimaginably horrid consequences. Very fun and interesting read.
Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor E. Frankl - Again, I enjoyed hearing another's perspective and experiences from WWII. So much pain and suffering by so many.
Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type, by Isabel Briggs Meyers and Peter B. Meyers - I thoroughly enjoyed this one. To me, personality type is a way to better understand and relate to the people around me, and this really added to the depth of my understanding. There are so many people that I initially feel like I just don't get, and this gives me the tools to see things from their perspective and try and relate.
A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens - If you've seen any of the movie adaptations of this, you've basically read the book! It's a short enough and classic enough story that most adaptations really do follow the book well. It was fun to actually read it though, especially at Christmastime.
Things as They Really Are, by Neal A. Maxwell - As always, full of poetic and insightful one liners and paragraphs. I really enjoy Elder Maxwell's work.
Books that I started but didn't finish:
News of the World, by Pauline Jiles - I just couldn't get into it. The story line interested me, but the writing style felt super weird. There were no quotations around the dialogue, and it got confusing separating conversation from people's inner voices.
"Not My Will, But Thine", by Neal A. Maxwell - A good one, I just got caught up with other books that I was reading, so I'm finishing it now.
A Disciple's Life, by Bruce C. Hafen - The biography of Elder Maxwell. It begins with a pivotal life event, and then goes into a chronological biography, which kind of threw me off. And then of course the story of his parents and grandparents was covered before delving into his life. So I wasn't as drawn in as the other books I was reading at the time. I'm finishing it now though, and am absolutely enjoying it. I've discovered a real love for biographies.
Isaiah in the Book of Mormon - I'm not sure I'll ever get around to finishing this one. It's a collection of different essays and work by scholars on Isaiah. I've appreciated what I've learned so far, it's just a little dense to get through.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)