I woke up the morning of my due date wondering how in the world I was going to keep myself preoccupied and distracted that day. And then I got a text from one of my friends, inviting us to her son's baptism that afternoon and dinner at their place afterward. Hallelujah! The baptism was wonderful, and sitting around visiting with friends after was just the distraction I needed to pass the time. I didn't even end up taking a nap that afternoon. When we finally got home that evening, we went for a walk up at Lake Fayetteville. By the time we went to bed at 10:30, I was tired and ready for sleep.
I had one or two uncomfortable contractions while going to sleep, but the Braxton-Hicks contractions had been getting stronger all week, so it wasn't too surprising. At 11:00, I had a contraction uncomfortable enough to wake me up - after only 20 minutes of sleep after a long day. I got up to go to the bathroom - when I saw the bloody show I knew this was the real thing. I had a few more contractions and labored on my own for about 30 minutes before I woke Gabe up. Already the contractions felt much different than the Braxton-Hicks I'd been experiencing for weeks.
When Gabe realized that labor had actually started, he called our midwife, Lucy. The plan was for her to come help me labor at home and help us know when we needed to head to the hospital. She asked how frequent the contractions were. I said I thought I'd had 2-3 in the past half hour, but I hadn't been timing them yet. She told Gabe to start timing them, and let her know when they were coming every 4-5 minutes. She also said to try and get some rest in the meantime. I remember thinking, "I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep..." At some point I started getting the shakes in between contractions, and throwing up during contractions. I was trying to make sure to drink water to stay hydrated, but then I threw up all the water during my next contraction. I didn't want to do that again, so I stopped drinking - and then I just dry heaved during the next contraction, and decided I'd rather throw up water than nothing. Gabe started timing the contractions, and basically as soon as he started timing they were coming every 4 minutes and lasting about 30 seconds. They were strong enough that I couldn't talk through them - I had to stop and just focus on getting through it. Gabe texted Lucy at 12:15am and she said she'd get dressed and head our way.
I remember wanting to labor somewhere other than the bathroom, but the baby was so low already that every time I had a contraction I had to pee. So I put on a pad and we laid some towels on the couch for me to sit on, but I didn't stay there long before heading back to the bathroom. At this point I was holding onto Gabe and having him remind me to low-moan through each contraction. I was also having hot flashes, and having Gabe wipe my face and arms with a cold, wet cloth fairly regularly. Lucy showed up around 1:15am. She came in and watched me labor for a minute before saying she thought it was probably already time to head to the hospital. She said she'd check me to make sure, but by the way I was acting during the contractions and how I looked after a contraction, she was pretty sure it was time to go. She and Gabe helped me get to the bed so she could check me - I was at a 5. (Side note - she was SO much more gentle and careful checking me than my OB had been. It made me appreciate her that much more.) I was so grateful that Lucy was there. Gabe was doing everything he could, but I don't think he fully comprehended how completely incapable I was of doing anything. Lucy literally dressed me to help me get ready to head out the door.
At this point all I could think was, "This is why I wanted a home birth - I do NOT want to leave right now!" I couldn't even walk on my own anymore, how in the world was I supposed to get down the stairs?? Gabe and Lucy helped me walk out the door, and then I had to sit in the camp chair outside our door and take a break. We got to the stairs and I realized the only way I was going to make it down was on my butt, one step at a time. So that's what I did, with Lucy moving my legs for me each time to encourage me to keep going. Having contractions on the concrete steps was not my favorite thing - neither was having them in the car during the 10 minute drive to the hospital - but thankfully I had at least stopped throwing up by then.
It was probably sometime around 1:45-2:00am when we got to the hospital. Willow Creek has you enter in the emergency department before being admitted. They brought me in, started asking questions, checked me, and quickly realized how far along I was. I remember them saying they needed to get me to a room fast because they didn't want me delivering in the ER. I was completely absorbed with my labor from that point on and became even less aware of time and my surroundings. I had my eyes closed and was constantly moaning as they rolled me into a room. It felt like there were so many people in there. Gabe handed them our birth plan, although I was far enough in labor that half of it didn't even matter anymore. They did dim the lights after that though, and I remember being so grateful for that and being able to relax a little more.
The contractions were getting even more intense. I was on my side, holding on to the bed railing and screaming through each one. At this point I had given up on the low moaning and was straight up screaming. I was so hot - Lucy pulled my hair back into a ponytail for me and she thankfully had a fan with her that she fanned me with to cool me down. I remember the sensation changing during the contractions, feeling like my body was now pushing, without me doing anything different. That changed my screams as well. Shortly after that, the doctor told me I could start pushing whenever I wanted. Lucy immediately piped in, "She sounds pretty pushy already..." I love that her experience and wisdom put her so in tune with what was happening with me, without me having to say anything.
I pushed for a little longer on my side, and when the OB wanted to get serious about getting the baby out, I asked if I could switch to my hands and knees. I labored that way for a little bit, but I think it lowered the baby's heartrate some, so before long he had me flip back over and they helped me into classic position. I was reclining in the bed with Lucy holding up one leg for me and a nurse holding the other. I was also holding onto Gabe's and Lucy's hands. At this point I was so tired. I remember actually feeling like I was resting between contractions, just because it was such a relief to have a break from such intensity. I was getting so tired that the exhaustion was actually more difficult to deal with than the pain. As I pushed, the nurse was telling me to grab my legs and pull and all I could think was, "Are you kidding me?? I don't have the energy or strength for that! There's a reason YOU'RE holding my leg for me!" Gabe said Lucy looked at him and rolled her eyes when that was suggested, haha.
Grace was so close. but my perineum just wouldn't stretch. The doctor and nurses kept telling me, "Just one more push! Just keep pushing a little more when this contraction ends!" And each time it wasn't the last one was so disheartening. And the idea of trying to push longer than my contraction seemed impossible with how tired I was. The pushing during was almost involuntary - my body did it on it's own no matter how tired I was. But as soon as one would end I just wanted to completely stop and relax. I don't know how long I kept pushing after they started telling me "one more," but it felt like forever. The OB tried to help stretch and lubricate me, and Lucy encouraged me to touch Grace's head once she started crowning to help me connect and stay motivated. Tears came at that point as the closeness of it all became more real to me. And then finally her head made it. I could feel as the rest of her body slipped out. It was such a strange sensation to be able to specifically recognize her moving through the birth canal, when previously all I could feel was the intensity of each contraction overcoming my whole body. It was 4:06am - just 5 hours after my labor had begun.
They placed her on my stomach. Gabe and I looked at each other and I just cried. We had a baby!
She wasn't with me long before they took her to a warmer. The large abnormal area on my placenta did end up being a venous lake - I could hear as the blood from it gushed onto the floor. So the OB was concerned about making sure the entire placenta was delivered. He had an ultrasound on my stomach (which is why they took Grace away) so that he could see, and used clamps or forceps or some instrument to manually remove it. Holy crap did that hurt. Like really, that part sucked. He asked if I needed some medication to make it through it, but I was able to hold off until he finished. I had torn a 2nd degree tear straight back, so he gave me some local anesthetic and stitched me up. Then they gave me some cytotek to help make sure my uterus would keep contracting and fully release any placenta that might still be there.
As hot as I was during labor, I was freezing once it was all done. They brought me a blanket that had been in a warmer, but I had to keep asking for more because I couldn't stop shaking from the cold. I also had zero muscle tone or strength. I had to physically pick up my legs with my hands anytime I needed to get up or reposition myself. We stayed in the hospital that day and overnight, and were discharged the next morning. (Coming back up the stairs when we got home was also not fun, haha.) Mom met us at our apartment when we got home Monday morning and stayed to help for the week. When she left that weekend, and it was just Gabe, Grace, and I at home, it felt so special to finally be together as a family - what we'd been waiting for for years had finally come.
