I think one of the hardest things with our journey in infertility (it feels strange to use that word, even though it clearly applies by the world's standards, because I don't feel like I'm unable to conceive; I feel that it's just not currently the Lord's timing. And with an eternal perspective, I know that as long as we're faithful, I will conceive.) is how unique our situation is, how unique every situation is. There is no handbook of instructions, no check-list of to-do items to achieve the desired results. But when others share their experiences, it feels like maybe there is a right and wrong way of doing things, and perhaps you're doing it wrong if you're not taking the same steps as them.
I feel like we are doing exactly what we're supposed to, and that if we need to change something, the Lord will direct us. But then I listen to a talk about the parable of the importuning widow, or the need to give away all our sins to receive the blessing we seek, or quotes about doing everything within our own power to bring about a desired result, and I question myself. Should we be doing that instead?
But then I think of those in the scriptures who were condemned or chastised for "steadying the ark" or tempting the Lord. And I think of the counsel I've received to trust the answers I've already been given. And I know that we were guided specifically to not pursue infertility testing. I know I have been told to be grateful for what I already have, to trust in His timing and promises, to be meek and accepting of His will, and to "stand still and see the salvation of God." I know that I can and am receiving guidance through personal revelation each day. And I know that I am on the right path and my life is acceptable before Him because of the workings of the Holy Ghost through me.
It's not hard to know what to do. But it is hard at times to remain confident in myself and the answers I've received. It is hard at times to know unquestioningly. But I'm working on it. And thankfully I'm not on my own.
"I do not know the meaning of all things...nevertheless, I know that he loveth his children" (1 Nephi 11:17).
