I think one of the hardest things with our journey in infertility (it feels strange to use that word, even though it clearly applies by the world's standards, because I don't feel like I'm unable to conceive; I feel that it's just not currently the Lord's timing. And with an eternal perspective, I know that as long as we're faithful, I will conceive.) is how unique our situation is, how unique every situation is. There is no handbook of instructions, no check-list of to-do items to achieve the desired results. But when others share their experiences, it feels like maybe there is a right and wrong way of doing things, and perhaps you're doing it wrong if you're not taking the same steps as them.
I feel like we are doing exactly what we're supposed to, and that if we need to change something, the Lord will direct us. But then I listen to a talk about the parable of the importuning widow, or the need to give away all our sins to receive the blessing we seek, or quotes about doing everything within our own power to bring about a desired result, and I question myself. Should we be doing that instead?
But then I think of those in the scriptures who were condemned or chastised for "steadying the ark" or tempting the Lord. And I think of the counsel I've received to trust the answers I've already been given. And I know that we were guided specifically to not pursue infertility testing. I know I have been told to be grateful for what I already have, to trust in His timing and promises, to be meek and accepting of His will, and to "stand still and see the salvation of God." I know that I can and am receiving guidance through personal revelation each day. And I know that I am on the right path and my life is acceptable before Him because of the workings of the Holy Ghost through me.
It's not hard to know what to do. But it is hard at times to remain confident in myself and the answers I've received. It is hard at times to know unquestioningly. But I'm working on it. And thankfully I'm not on my own.
"I do not know the meaning of all things...nevertheless, I know that he loveth his children" (1 Nephi 11:17).
Tuesday, May 28, 2019
Thursday, February 28, 2019
January Blues
January was rough. As well as parts of early February. I wanted to be positive and productive, but it seemed so much harder than it had been the previous weeks and months. I was more emotional about how long it's taking us to have kids. I was less devoted and invested in my scripture study and prayers. I didn't want to be around people. I put off housework and cooking as much as possible. Then we went to the temple the last weekend in January.
It was such a sweet reprieve. I always love going to the temple, but this time it felt so refreshing and nourishing. The entire time I just felt an overwhelming abundance of the Spirit, filling my cup and making up for all the struggling I'd been feeling that month. It felt so needed and so fulfilling. And I was so very grateful.
But then we returned home and went back to life as usual. And much of the listlessness returned. I hated feeling that way. It felt so unreasonable. And then about a week later we had a few days of beautiful sunshine and temperatures in the 60's and 70's. It was so refreshing to see bright, sunny skies again! We spent more time outdoors, taking long walks at the lake nearby.
One of those afternoons, I realized how much easier it had been that day to feel happy and upbeat compared to the past month. And then I remembered last year. I remembered struggling throughout January and early February, feeling purposeless, and wrestling more than usual with my personal worship and infertility. And then the pattern became so obvious! I was amazed to realize how much I can be affected by winter, the lack of warmth and sunshine. (Especially when our winters have been so mild lately compared to what they used to be.) And recognizing that made things a little easier. As did these quotes from Elder Neal A. Maxwell that I came across while reading his book, "Notwithstanding My Weakness."
"The seeming flat periods of life give us a blessed chance to reflect upon what is past as well as to be readied for some rather stirring climbs ahead. Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead. Instead of grumbling and murmuring, we should be consolidating and reflecting, which would simply not happen if life were an uninterrupted sequence of fantastic scenery, confrontive events, or exhilarating conversation."
"Thus, when we are patiently growing and keeping the commandments of God and doing our duties, we are to that extent succeeding, a fact from which we should derive some quiet, inner reassurance. Knowing that we are in the process of succeeding, even though we have much to do and much to improve upon, can help us to move forward."
I am so grateful for the inspired words of faithful disciples of Christ. Grateful for the encouragement to recognize our seemingly unrecognizable successes. For the counsel to reflect on the past and ready ourselves for the future. And I am grateful for the coming days of spring and summer!
It was such a sweet reprieve. I always love going to the temple, but this time it felt so refreshing and nourishing. The entire time I just felt an overwhelming abundance of the Spirit, filling my cup and making up for all the struggling I'd been feeling that month. It felt so needed and so fulfilling. And I was so very grateful.
But then we returned home and went back to life as usual. And much of the listlessness returned. I hated feeling that way. It felt so unreasonable. And then about a week later we had a few days of beautiful sunshine and temperatures in the 60's and 70's. It was so refreshing to see bright, sunny skies again! We spent more time outdoors, taking long walks at the lake nearby.
One of those afternoons, I realized how much easier it had been that day to feel happy and upbeat compared to the past month. And then I remembered last year. I remembered struggling throughout January and early February, feeling purposeless, and wrestling more than usual with my personal worship and infertility. And then the pattern became so obvious! I was amazed to realize how much I can be affected by winter, the lack of warmth and sunshine. (Especially when our winters have been so mild lately compared to what they used to be.) And recognizing that made things a little easier. As did these quotes from Elder Neal A. Maxwell that I came across while reading his book, "Notwithstanding My Weakness."
"The seeming flat periods of life give us a blessed chance to reflect upon what is past as well as to be readied for some rather stirring climbs ahead. Patience helps us to use, rather than to protest, these seeming flat periods of life, becoming filled with quiet wonder over the past and with anticipation for that which may lie ahead. Instead of grumbling and murmuring, we should be consolidating and reflecting, which would simply not happen if life were an uninterrupted sequence of fantastic scenery, confrontive events, or exhilarating conversation."
"Thus, when we are patiently growing and keeping the commandments of God and doing our duties, we are to that extent succeeding, a fact from which we should derive some quiet, inner reassurance. Knowing that we are in the process of succeeding, even though we have much to do and much to improve upon, can help us to move forward."
I am so grateful for the inspired words of faithful disciples of Christ. Grateful for the encouragement to recognize our seemingly unrecognizable successes. For the counsel to reflect on the past and ready ourselves for the future. And I am grateful for the coming days of spring and summer!
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Books of 2018
The Book of Mormon - I read the whole thing through in 2 months time, the fastest I've ever read it, and it was a totally new experience for me. Mostly, it required that I spend a greater amount of time reading from it each day, which made a huge difference in my life. But also, different themes and recurring words and phrases stood out to me because I was getting a broader overview reading it so quickly. Words like diligent, and themes like peace vs. contention. Then as soon as I finished it, I started reading it in relation to the order and time frame it was translated. Julia and I did this together, and it was so fun having someone to discuss my thoughts with each day. Then again I read through it at the end of the year after President Nelson challenged the women to do so before the end of the year.
Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen - I tried to start this one last year, but didn't push through the early pages enough to get into it. Once I got past the very beginning, it ended up being a fairly quick read. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't nearly as satisfying of a story for me as Persuasion and Pride and Prejudice were. I just didn't connect with the characters as much. Still worth the read, but not my favorite.
A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L'Engle - I was surprised by how many abstract themes and ideas were in this "children's book." Also, I'm so used to today's anti-religion sentiments, that I was surprised to find it so clearly a part of the message. My favorite part was toward the end, when life is compared to a sonnet.
"In your language you have a form of poetry called the sonnet...It is a very strict form of poetry is it not? There are fourteen lines, all in iambic pentameter. And each line has to end with a rigid rhyme pattern. And if the poet does not do it exactly this way, it is not a sonnet, is it? But within this strict form the poet as complete freedom to say whatever he wants, doesn't he?
You're comparing our lives to a sonnet? A strict form, but freedom within it?
Yes. You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you."
Out of the Silent Planet, by C.S. Lewis - This was a very philosophical piece of fiction. Although it's a very short book, it took me a while to read because the story line doesn't "suck you in" like other novels. Reading it took much more thought, but I definitely enjoyed it. These were a few of my favorite quotes from it. C. S. Lewis always has such profound insight.
"The darkness in your own mind filled you with fear."
"A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory were another. It is all one thing. What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure."
"I do not think the forest would be so bright, nor the water so warm, nor love so sweet, if there were no danger in the lakes...There I drank life because death was in the pool."
"The best of drinks is death itself because in the day I drink it I go to Maledil."
Lying in Weight, by Trisha Gura - A look at how eating disorders affect women at various stages in their lives, past adolescence. Having a few of my closest friends seriously struggle with eating disorders of their own, and seeing how prevalent it is among girls, I wanted to understand and learn more about them. The book had a nice combination of personal experiences as well as research and scientific study to support its claims. Very eye opening and well written.
The Infinite Atonement, by Tad R. Callister - While reading the Book of Mormon together, Julia asked me to read this with her as well. I would say this is widely considered a classic among LDS literature, and I can see why. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the very center of our faith and religion, and as such, Brother Callister reminds us of the responsibility we have to study and try to understand it. It's beautifully written. I enjoyed reading it, and definitely learned and expanded my understanding through it.
All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, by Neal A. Maxwell - This is the first I've really read of Maxwell, and he quickly became a favorite. Everything he writes is so rich and poetic. Each time I would sit down to read I had to remind myself that I couldn't mark every single line or that would defeat the purpose of highlighting. It was a quick, yet profound read for me, and made me eager to read more of his (many) books.
Perelandra, by C.S. Lewis - This second book in the Space Trilogy had even less of a story line than the first. I did enjoy it, but much more of the writing was spent in describing the unique surroundings of this new world and in long conversation. Probably my least favorite of the trilogy. But again, it was full of C. S. Lewis's simple, yet profound insights. Here's a few of my favorites.
"I realise it's all rather too vague for you to put into words." "On the contrary, it is words that are vague. The reason why the thing can't be expressed is that it's too definite for language." - I think this is a beautiful description of some of my most personal, treasured, and sacred moments in life.
"You could send your soul after the good you had expected, instead of turning it to the good you had got. You could refuse the real good; you cold make the real fruit taste insipid by thinking of the other." - This is a principle that has come to have great meaning to me personally. The importance of trusting the Lord's will over your own, of trusting Him as the gardener in your life and finding joy in what He gives you, rather than what you had planned on or hoped for.
"What the Un-man said was always very nearly true." - Such an important reminder about the lies of the adversary.
Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis - Fantastic book. So many quotes and phrases that I marked and could share.
Like this one on charity: "I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small."
Or his discussions on our "raw material." "Human beings judge one another by their external actions. God judges them by their moral choices...Some of us who seem quite nice people may, in fact, have made so little use of a good heredity and a good upbringing that we are really worse than those whom we regard as fiends...We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it." - This one really hit home for me. When I look back at my life, I feel like I've been given about the best "raw material" a person can be given - I was blessed with so many of the ideals that everyone else dreams of. And that puts on me a great responsibility to use it well. I think this was my biggest take away from this book, a deep sense of importance of using well all that I have been given.
That Hideous Strength, by C.S. Lewis - The final book in the Space Trilogy, and my favorite. Even though it's way longer than the first two books, I read this one the fastest because it was much more like typical novels in it's plot and character development. Although the ending wasn't completely satisfying for me, I really enjoyed the story. And even though it was written more like your average novel, it was still a C. S. Lewis book, and therefore full of philosophical and theological gems. Although it took me a while to realize the irony of the acronym of the "enemy's" institution, the N.I.C.E. haha.
"I suppose there are two views about everything." "Eh? Two views? There are a dozen views about everything until you know the answer. Then there's never more than one."
"...his education had had the curious effect of making things that he read and wrote more real to him than things he saw. Statistics about agricultural laborers were the substance; any real ditcher, ploughman, or farmer's boy, was the shadow."
"Isn't it absolutely essential to keep a fierce Left and a fierce Right, both on their toes and each terrified of the other? Any opposition to the N.I.C.E. is represented as a Left racket in the Right papers and a Right racket in the Left papers." "I don't believe you can do that. Not with the papers that are read by educated people." "Haven't you realised that it's the other way around? It's the educated reader who CAN be gulled. All our difficulty comes with the others. When did you meet a workman who believes the papers? He takes it for granted they're all propaganda and skips the leading articles. He is our problem. We have to recondition him. But the educated public don't need reconditioning. They're all right already. They'll believe anything."
"...obedience and rule are more like a dance than a drill."
"It is enough for the present. This is the courtesy of Deep Heaven: that when you mean well, He always takes you to have meant better than you knew. It will not be enough for always. But for tonight, it is enough."
Northanger Abbey, by Jane Austen - Compared to her other novels, this felt like a fun, silly story. It follows a naive girl whose world-view is largely based off of her home life and popular novels that she has read. Consequently, she tends to assume much more dramatic, gothic themed reasons and intentions than are really true as she leaves home for the first time. The ending wrapped up rather quickly without much story telling, but overall I really enjoyed it.
C.S. Lewis - A Life, by Alister McGrath - After reading so much of his work, I wanted to know more about him as a person! This biography just happened to be the most popular one our library had, so I grabbed it. And it was a pretty good one. There were some great quotes from Lewis, as well as some good lines from the biographer.
"Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago." - Lewis
"'A young man who wishes to remain a sound Athiest cannot be too careful of his reading. There are traps everywhere.' Lewis's reading of the classics of English Literature forced him to encounter and evaluate the ideas and attitudes that they embodied and expressed. And to his chagrin, Lewis began to realise that those who were grounded on a Christian outlook seemed to offer the most resilient and persuasive treaty with reality." - This one made me laugh. :)
"Christianity tells a true story about humanity, which makes sense of all the stories that humanity tells about itself."
"That was how Lewis and Tolkien expanded their horizons: through books, through friends, and through friends discussing books."
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." - Lewis
The Screwtape Letters, by C. S. Lewis - I almost got stuck in the middle of this one, because there's not really a plot to follow through, it's almost more like a collection of narrative essays on various topics. But, as always, there was so much truth and insight to be found in it.
We Were Not Alone, by Patricia Reece Roper and Karola Hilbert Reece - This is the story of an LDS family's survival of World War II in Berlin, Germany. It was a very quick read - just over 200 pages - but a very stirring one as well - I finished it in two days because I didn't want to put it down. Reading about the faith of this family in the midst of the horrors of war and the miracles they witnessed in their times of need was amazing. Truly inspiring and definitely one I'd recommend.
Sky, by Hanneke Ippisch - Ok, this was a SUPER quick read - as in, I finished it in a couple of hours. But it was really good. It's the author's account of her experiences in Holland during WWII. She was a teenager when Holland was occupied by the Germans, and began working with the Dutch Resistance. I got on a bit of a WWII kick and enjoyed reading another perspective.
A Distant Prayer, by Joseph Banks and Jerry Borrowman - Another WWII, haha. This one is the personal account of an LDS airman who was shot down over enemy territory and became a POW. As with any WWII book, lots of eye opening and heart rending experiences.
The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom - Sheri recommended it to me when I told her I was on a WWII kick, and I am so grateful she did! The example of Christian courage, and the enduring faith and hope of her family to see God is all of their circumstances, including the extremely unfavorable, was so motivating and empowering. Beautiful, beautiful true story.
The Dawning of a Brighter Day: The Church in Black Africa, by Alexander B. Morrison - A neat read about the great faith of the Saints in Africa despite their difficult circumstances.
Saints - I felt like I learned so much about church history from this! And the narrative format made it so enjoyable. I'm excited to read the following volumes.
Catch Me If You Can, by Frank Abagnale Jr. - This guy's story is just crazy...seriously. He was so gutsy and confident and had some crazy good luck...followed by some unimaginably horrid consequences. Very fun and interesting read.
Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor E. Frankl - Again, I enjoyed hearing another's perspective and experiences from WWII. So much pain and suffering by so many.
Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type, by Isabel Briggs Meyers and Peter B. Meyers - I thoroughly enjoyed this one. To me, personality type is a way to better understand and relate to the people around me, and this really added to the depth of my understanding. There are so many people that I initially feel like I just don't get, and this gives me the tools to see things from their perspective and try and relate.
A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens - If you've seen any of the movie adaptations of this, you've basically read the book! It's a short enough and classic enough story that most adaptations really do follow the book well. It was fun to actually read it though, especially at Christmastime.
Things as They Really Are, by Neal A. Maxwell - As always, full of poetic and insightful one liners and paragraphs. I really enjoy Elder Maxwell's work.
Books that I started but didn't finish:
News of the World, by Pauline Jiles - I just couldn't get into it. The story line interested me, but the writing style felt super weird. There were no quotations around the dialogue, and it got confusing separating conversation from people's inner voices.
"Not My Will, But Thine", by Neal A. Maxwell - A good one, I just got caught up with other books that I was reading, so I'm finishing it now.
A Disciple's Life, by Bruce C. Hafen - The biography of Elder Maxwell. It begins with a pivotal life event, and then goes into a chronological biography, which kind of threw me off. And then of course the story of his parents and grandparents was covered before delving into his life. So I wasn't as drawn in as the other books I was reading at the time. I'm finishing it now though, and am absolutely enjoying it. I've discovered a real love for biographies.
Isaiah in the Book of Mormon - I'm not sure I'll ever get around to finishing this one. It's a collection of different essays and work by scholars on Isaiah. I've appreciated what I've learned so far, it's just a little dense to get through.
Sense and Sensibility, by Jane Austen - I tried to start this one last year, but didn't push through the early pages enough to get into it. Once I got past the very beginning, it ended up being a fairly quick read. I enjoyed it, but it wasn't nearly as satisfying of a story for me as Persuasion and Pride and Prejudice were. I just didn't connect with the characters as much. Still worth the read, but not my favorite.
A Wrinkle in Time, by Madeleine L'Engle - I was surprised by how many abstract themes and ideas were in this "children's book." Also, I'm so used to today's anti-religion sentiments, that I was surprised to find it so clearly a part of the message. My favorite part was toward the end, when life is compared to a sonnet.
"In your language you have a form of poetry called the sonnet...It is a very strict form of poetry is it not? There are fourteen lines, all in iambic pentameter. And each line has to end with a rigid rhyme pattern. And if the poet does not do it exactly this way, it is not a sonnet, is it? But within this strict form the poet as complete freedom to say whatever he wants, doesn't he?
You're comparing our lives to a sonnet? A strict form, but freedom within it?
Yes. You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you."
Out of the Silent Planet, by C.S. Lewis - This was a very philosophical piece of fiction. Although it's a very short book, it took me a while to read because the story line doesn't "suck you in" like other novels. Reading it took much more thought, but I definitely enjoyed it. These were a few of my favorite quotes from it. C. S. Lewis always has such profound insight.
"The darkness in your own mind filled you with fear."
"A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory were another. It is all one thing. What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure."
"I do not think the forest would be so bright, nor the water so warm, nor love so sweet, if there were no danger in the lakes...There I drank life because death was in the pool."
"The best of drinks is death itself because in the day I drink it I go to Maledil."
Lying in Weight, by Trisha Gura - A look at how eating disorders affect women at various stages in their lives, past adolescence. Having a few of my closest friends seriously struggle with eating disorders of their own, and seeing how prevalent it is among girls, I wanted to understand and learn more about them. The book had a nice combination of personal experiences as well as research and scientific study to support its claims. Very eye opening and well written.
The Infinite Atonement, by Tad R. Callister - While reading the Book of Mormon together, Julia asked me to read this with her as well. I would say this is widely considered a classic among LDS literature, and I can see why. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the very center of our faith and religion, and as such, Brother Callister reminds us of the responsibility we have to study and try to understand it. It's beautifully written. I enjoyed reading it, and definitely learned and expanded my understanding through it.
All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience, by Neal A. Maxwell - This is the first I've really read of Maxwell, and he quickly became a favorite. Everything he writes is so rich and poetic. Each time I would sit down to read I had to remind myself that I couldn't mark every single line or that would defeat the purpose of highlighting. It was a quick, yet profound read for me, and made me eager to read more of his (many) books.
Perelandra, by C.S. Lewis - This second book in the Space Trilogy had even less of a story line than the first. I did enjoy it, but much more of the writing was spent in describing the unique surroundings of this new world and in long conversation. Probably my least favorite of the trilogy. But again, it was full of C. S. Lewis's simple, yet profound insights. Here's a few of my favorites.
"I realise it's all rather too vague for you to put into words." "On the contrary, it is words that are vague. The reason why the thing can't be expressed is that it's too definite for language." - I think this is a beautiful description of some of my most personal, treasured, and sacred moments in life.
"You could send your soul after the good you had expected, instead of turning it to the good you had got. You could refuse the real good; you cold make the real fruit taste insipid by thinking of the other." - This is a principle that has come to have great meaning to me personally. The importance of trusting the Lord's will over your own, of trusting Him as the gardener in your life and finding joy in what He gives you, rather than what you had planned on or hoped for.
"What the Un-man said was always very nearly true." - Such an important reminder about the lies of the adversary.
Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis - Fantastic book. So many quotes and phrases that I marked and could share.
Like this one on charity: "I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small."
Or his discussions on our "raw material." "Human beings judge one another by their external actions. God judges them by their moral choices...Some of us who seem quite nice people may, in fact, have made so little use of a good heredity and a good upbringing that we are really worse than those whom we regard as fiends...We see only the results which a man's choices make out of his raw material. But God does not judge him on the raw material at all, but on what he has done with it." - This one really hit home for me. When I look back at my life, I feel like I've been given about the best "raw material" a person can be given - I was blessed with so many of the ideals that everyone else dreams of. And that puts on me a great responsibility to use it well. I think this was my biggest take away from this book, a deep sense of importance of using well all that I have been given.
That Hideous Strength, by C.S. Lewis - The final book in the Space Trilogy, and my favorite. Even though it's way longer than the first two books, I read this one the fastest because it was much more like typical novels in it's plot and character development. Although the ending wasn't completely satisfying for me, I really enjoyed the story. And even though it was written more like your average novel, it was still a C. S. Lewis book, and therefore full of philosophical and theological gems. Although it took me a while to realize the irony of the acronym of the "enemy's" institution, the N.I.C.E. haha.
"I suppose there are two views about everything." "Eh? Two views? There are a dozen views about everything until you know the answer. Then there's never more than one."
"...his education had had the curious effect of making things that he read and wrote more real to him than things he saw. Statistics about agricultural laborers were the substance; any real ditcher, ploughman, or farmer's boy, was the shadow."
"Isn't it absolutely essential to keep a fierce Left and a fierce Right, both on their toes and each terrified of the other? Any opposition to the N.I.C.E. is represented as a Left racket in the Right papers and a Right racket in the Left papers." "I don't believe you can do that. Not with the papers that are read by educated people." "Haven't you realised that it's the other way around? It's the educated reader who CAN be gulled. All our difficulty comes with the others. When did you meet a workman who believes the papers? He takes it for granted they're all propaganda and skips the leading articles. He is our problem. We have to recondition him. But the educated public don't need reconditioning. They're all right already. They'll believe anything."
"...obedience and rule are more like a dance than a drill."
"It is enough for the present. This is the courtesy of Deep Heaven: that when you mean well, He always takes you to have meant better than you knew. It will not be enough for always. But for tonight, it is enough."
Northanger Abbey, by Jane Austen - Compared to her other novels, this felt like a fun, silly story. It follows a naive girl whose world-view is largely based off of her home life and popular novels that she has read. Consequently, she tends to assume much more dramatic, gothic themed reasons and intentions than are really true as she leaves home for the first time. The ending wrapped up rather quickly without much story telling, but overall I really enjoyed it.
C.S. Lewis - A Life, by Alister McGrath - After reading so much of his work, I wanted to know more about him as a person! This biography just happened to be the most popular one our library had, so I grabbed it. And it was a pretty good one. There were some great quotes from Lewis, as well as some good lines from the biographer.
"Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago." - Lewis
"'A young man who wishes to remain a sound Athiest cannot be too careful of his reading. There are traps everywhere.' Lewis's reading of the classics of English Literature forced him to encounter and evaluate the ideas and attitudes that they embodied and expressed. And to his chagrin, Lewis began to realise that those who were grounded on a Christian outlook seemed to offer the most resilient and persuasive treaty with reality." - This one made me laugh. :)
"Christianity tells a true story about humanity, which makes sense of all the stories that humanity tells about itself."
"That was how Lewis and Tolkien expanded their horizons: through books, through friends, and through friends discussing books."
"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the Sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." - Lewis
The Screwtape Letters, by C. S. Lewis - I almost got stuck in the middle of this one, because there's not really a plot to follow through, it's almost more like a collection of narrative essays on various topics. But, as always, there was so much truth and insight to be found in it.
We Were Not Alone, by Patricia Reece Roper and Karola Hilbert Reece - This is the story of an LDS family's survival of World War II in Berlin, Germany. It was a very quick read - just over 200 pages - but a very stirring one as well - I finished it in two days because I didn't want to put it down. Reading about the faith of this family in the midst of the horrors of war and the miracles they witnessed in their times of need was amazing. Truly inspiring and definitely one I'd recommend.
Sky, by Hanneke Ippisch - Ok, this was a SUPER quick read - as in, I finished it in a couple of hours. But it was really good. It's the author's account of her experiences in Holland during WWII. She was a teenager when Holland was occupied by the Germans, and began working with the Dutch Resistance. I got on a bit of a WWII kick and enjoyed reading another perspective.
A Distant Prayer, by Joseph Banks and Jerry Borrowman - Another WWII, haha. This one is the personal account of an LDS airman who was shot down over enemy territory and became a POW. As with any WWII book, lots of eye opening and heart rending experiences.
The Hiding Place, by Corrie ten Boom - Sheri recommended it to me when I told her I was on a WWII kick, and I am so grateful she did! The example of Christian courage, and the enduring faith and hope of her family to see God is all of their circumstances, including the extremely unfavorable, was so motivating and empowering. Beautiful, beautiful true story.
The Dawning of a Brighter Day: The Church in Black Africa, by Alexander B. Morrison - A neat read about the great faith of the Saints in Africa despite their difficult circumstances.
Saints - I felt like I learned so much about church history from this! And the narrative format made it so enjoyable. I'm excited to read the following volumes.
Catch Me If You Can, by Frank Abagnale Jr. - This guy's story is just crazy...seriously. He was so gutsy and confident and had some crazy good luck...followed by some unimaginably horrid consequences. Very fun and interesting read.
Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor E. Frankl - Again, I enjoyed hearing another's perspective and experiences from WWII. So much pain and suffering by so many.
Gifts Differing: Understanding Personality Type, by Isabel Briggs Meyers and Peter B. Meyers - I thoroughly enjoyed this one. To me, personality type is a way to better understand and relate to the people around me, and this really added to the depth of my understanding. There are so many people that I initially feel like I just don't get, and this gives me the tools to see things from their perspective and try and relate.
A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens - If you've seen any of the movie adaptations of this, you've basically read the book! It's a short enough and classic enough story that most adaptations really do follow the book well. It was fun to actually read it though, especially at Christmastime.
Things as They Really Are, by Neal A. Maxwell - As always, full of poetic and insightful one liners and paragraphs. I really enjoy Elder Maxwell's work.
Books that I started but didn't finish:
News of the World, by Pauline Jiles - I just couldn't get into it. The story line interested me, but the writing style felt super weird. There were no quotations around the dialogue, and it got confusing separating conversation from people's inner voices.
"Not My Will, But Thine", by Neal A. Maxwell - A good one, I just got caught up with other books that I was reading, so I'm finishing it now.
A Disciple's Life, by Bruce C. Hafen - The biography of Elder Maxwell. It begins with a pivotal life event, and then goes into a chronological biography, which kind of threw me off. And then of course the story of his parents and grandparents was covered before delving into his life. So I wasn't as drawn in as the other books I was reading at the time. I'm finishing it now though, and am absolutely enjoying it. I've discovered a real love for biographies.
Isaiah in the Book of Mormon - I'm not sure I'll ever get around to finishing this one. It's a collection of different essays and work by scholars on Isaiah. I've appreciated what I've learned so far, it's just a little dense to get through.
Sunday, July 22, 2018
Adams Family Reunion
Last weekend was the Adams Family Reunion out on Grandma and Grandpa's farm, with over 150 of us there to unite as the posterity of Dale and Asenath Adams. In many ways, I did not fully appreciate the joy of the reunion until the end came and we left one by one to return to our homes and everyday lives. Like so many things in life, and as the old saying goes, "you don't know what you've got till it's gone." I had fun the entire weekend and was enjoying myself, but my nature is so introverted that in such a large group, even when they were all family, I found myself staying close to those I knew best rather than actually reconnecting with all of my cousins that I hadn't seen for so long. But as I headed back home and my news feed filled up with everyone's pictures from the weekend, I felt the impressiveness of that group of people I'm privileged to call family, and the momentous occasion of having so many of us together at once. And I was so grateful to have been able to be one of the ones there with my husband at my side.
Though the magnitude of that event partially escaped me while there, there were a couple of moments during that time that did not.
It was an extremely hot weekend, and there had been very little rain in the days and weeks preceding it. Some rain was in the forecast, and Grandma told us all that if it wasn't raining, that was evidence of our lack of combined faith, because we needed that rain! And finally the rain did come. As we all sat under the tent, visiting and enjoying the cooler temperatures it brought, Grandma stopped as she walked past me to whisper, "Some prayers take longer to be answered than others," and then she continued on. It was all I could do to keep myself from crying.
Gabe and I are fast approaching six years of marriage, six years of hoping and waiting for children to come. Lately, I have become quite comfortable with our life together, just the way it is. Life as a family of two has lasted so long that it now seems strange to think of it otherwise. The hope and desire for children is still there, but with it there is an appreciation for the unique privileges and opportunities we have available to us now. With that newfound appreciation, I thought that the deep longing had mostly subsided. But in an instant it flooded back to the forefront, as Grandma reminded me in such a simple and unexpected way that others are aware of our struggle and hoping and praying with us. Others who love and care for us deeply. Her words struck me, as they told me that she was one of those hoping and praying for me, too. That was a moment that did not pass me by.
The other came Saturday, after the sun had gone down and almost everyone had left for the night. Mindy's husband David was still roasting a pig, and two of his girls had stayed with him. Gabe had been visiting with him, enjoying their conversations about his Tongan heritage, the gospel, and Polynesia. But it was getting late, so we decided to call it a night. With my phone as a flashlight, they put out the fire, and David and his oldest daughter rested the stick with the pig on their shoulders to carry it back to Grandma's house where they were staying. As we separated and walked to our car, David and his two girls were left to walk in the dark. I heard one of them say, "Daddy, I can't see!" And then his simple response, "Then just follow me."
It was such a quiet moment, and yet it's application to life was emphatically impressed upon me at once. How often in life are we the little child, crying out in prayer, "Daddy, I can't see!" And what is His response that He has so lovingly given us, time and time again? "Then just follow me." I thought of the words to the hymn "Lead Kindly Light."
Though the magnitude of that event partially escaped me while there, there were a couple of moments during that time that did not.
It was an extremely hot weekend, and there had been very little rain in the days and weeks preceding it. Some rain was in the forecast, and Grandma told us all that if it wasn't raining, that was evidence of our lack of combined faith, because we needed that rain! And finally the rain did come. As we all sat under the tent, visiting and enjoying the cooler temperatures it brought, Grandma stopped as she walked past me to whisper, "Some prayers take longer to be answered than others," and then she continued on. It was all I could do to keep myself from crying.
Gabe and I are fast approaching six years of marriage, six years of hoping and waiting for children to come. Lately, I have become quite comfortable with our life together, just the way it is. Life as a family of two has lasted so long that it now seems strange to think of it otherwise. The hope and desire for children is still there, but with it there is an appreciation for the unique privileges and opportunities we have available to us now. With that newfound appreciation, I thought that the deep longing had mostly subsided. But in an instant it flooded back to the forefront, as Grandma reminded me in such a simple and unexpected way that others are aware of our struggle and hoping and praying with us. Others who love and care for us deeply. Her words struck me, as they told me that she was one of those hoping and praying for me, too. That was a moment that did not pass me by.
The other came Saturday, after the sun had gone down and almost everyone had left for the night. Mindy's husband David was still roasting a pig, and two of his girls had stayed with him. Gabe had been visiting with him, enjoying their conversations about his Tongan heritage, the gospel, and Polynesia. But it was getting late, so we decided to call it a night. With my phone as a flashlight, they put out the fire, and David and his oldest daughter rested the stick with the pig on their shoulders to carry it back to Grandma's house where they were staying. As we separated and walked to our car, David and his two girls were left to walk in the dark. I heard one of them say, "Daddy, I can't see!" And then his simple response, "Then just follow me."
It was such a quiet moment, and yet it's application to life was emphatically impressed upon me at once. How often in life are we the little child, crying out in prayer, "Daddy, I can't see!" And what is His response that He has so lovingly given us, time and time again? "Then just follow me." I thought of the words to the hymn "Lead Kindly Light."
Lead, kindly Light, amid the'encircling gloom;
Lead thou me on!
The night is dark, and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene--one step enough for me.
So long as the one step we can see is the step which leads us in His footsteps, we will be okay. No matter how dark the night may be, if we can see Him, or even just His path, we have all the light we need. We just have to keep our focus on Him, and push aside all the daunting and frightening "what if's" that lurk around us in the dark. Ignore the noises, the silhouettes, and the uncertainties - imagined or real - and trust that His is a path of safety, the path back home. That is what David, in his few words, asked of his daughter, and that is what the Savior asks of us.
As small and simple as these little moments were, they fittingly occurred at a time and place meant to celebrate the joy of our family. A family with a matriarch and patriarch at its head who have set a pattern of love and gospel teaching at each gathering and reunion. And at this reunion, I witnessed those patterns not only in the planned and formal moments, but in the private and unexpected as well.
Monday, June 18, 2018
Happy Father's Day
As is typically expected, I called my dad for Father's Day yesterday. It was such a nice visit. Usually when I call home, I only talk to Mom, because Dad is at work. I get to see him every time we visit home, but there's often other people and things going on that also take our attention. So it was nice to take the opportunity to visit one on one again, and share with each other our lives and our testimonies. As I got off the phone, I was reminded of my visit with him back in April, when we went home for the weekend.
After planning to come up, we found out that Mom would be in Arizona for her uncle's funeral. Like we typically do, we left Friday and headed to Ava to spend the afternoon with Gabe's parents, then drove out to Ash Grove to spend the evening with James and Kelli, and then to Mom and Dad's to stay the night. I called Dad and told him we'd be in late and we'd just plan on visiting with him the next morning.
When we drove up to the house (I think it was around midnight), we could see that all the lights upstairs were still on. I thought it was funny that he had left so many lights on for us. Then as we walked in the front door, I could hear something in the kitchen. Dad was still up doing dishes, haha. So we came in and I sat down and started visiting with him. This was just two days before I was set apart as primary president, so I spent a lot of time sharing my experience with finding counselors. We continued talking, and eventually Gabe got tired and headed to bed. Dad and I ended up sitting in the kitchen talking with each other, just the two of us, for probably two hours.
It reminded me so much of being a teenager and young adult at home, and the countless talks we had late at night after I would come home from being out with friends. Sitting at home again, talking late at night with just the two of us, I felt like I was still just Daddy's little girl. And I treasured that feeling. I didn't care that I would probably be tired the next morning from staying up so late. Talking about life, about the gospel, and the lessons I was learning, and feeling such love, such a deep connection with my dad was more than worth it. It was a special moment I hadn't been expecting, but one that I knew would be held dear for years to come.
I think every one of my siblings has a special bond with both Mom and Dad, together and individually.We all know that we are equally loved, and yet because of the individual time our parents spent with us growing up - talking, counselling, congratulating, listening, guiding, commending, and teaching one on one - we also feel that we are especially and uniquely loved by them. "Sure Mom and Dad love all of my siblings, but they also really love ME." We all share common memories as a family that we hold dear, but we also each have personal, individual experiences with our parents that we hold alone. Moments that are testaments and reminders to us of how they have shaped and molded us specifically. Moments where we have felt our own personal, individual connection with them as father and son, mother and daughter, daddy's little girl, or mamma's little boy. Moments that taught us beyond a doubt how loved we are by them, how concerned they are for us, and how much they want us to be happy.
How grateful I am to have such wonderful parents to look to as examples of what it really means to be a mother and father. The idea of knowing how to raise children of my own someday is a little less daunting knowing that I can look to my own childhood for help. Their love and my relationship with them have helped me to better understand the love that my heavenly parents have for me. Because I could rely on them as my parents growing up, I know that I can trust and rely on my heavenly parents now. My life has been blessed beyond measure because of their love, their examples, and the one on one time they have spent with me. And what a blessing it is to be reminded of that because of a simple holiday like Father's Day.
After planning to come up, we found out that Mom would be in Arizona for her uncle's funeral. Like we typically do, we left Friday and headed to Ava to spend the afternoon with Gabe's parents, then drove out to Ash Grove to spend the evening with James and Kelli, and then to Mom and Dad's to stay the night. I called Dad and told him we'd be in late and we'd just plan on visiting with him the next morning.
When we drove up to the house (I think it was around midnight), we could see that all the lights upstairs were still on. I thought it was funny that he had left so many lights on for us. Then as we walked in the front door, I could hear something in the kitchen. Dad was still up doing dishes, haha. So we came in and I sat down and started visiting with him. This was just two days before I was set apart as primary president, so I spent a lot of time sharing my experience with finding counselors. We continued talking, and eventually Gabe got tired and headed to bed. Dad and I ended up sitting in the kitchen talking with each other, just the two of us, for probably two hours.
It reminded me so much of being a teenager and young adult at home, and the countless talks we had late at night after I would come home from being out with friends. Sitting at home again, talking late at night with just the two of us, I felt like I was still just Daddy's little girl. And I treasured that feeling. I didn't care that I would probably be tired the next morning from staying up so late. Talking about life, about the gospel, and the lessons I was learning, and feeling such love, such a deep connection with my dad was more than worth it. It was a special moment I hadn't been expecting, but one that I knew would be held dear for years to come.
I think every one of my siblings has a special bond with both Mom and Dad, together and individually.We all know that we are equally loved, and yet because of the individual time our parents spent with us growing up - talking, counselling, congratulating, listening, guiding, commending, and teaching one on one - we also feel that we are especially and uniquely loved by them. "Sure Mom and Dad love all of my siblings, but they also really love ME." We all share common memories as a family that we hold dear, but we also each have personal, individual experiences with our parents that we hold alone. Moments that are testaments and reminders to us of how they have shaped and molded us specifically. Moments where we have felt our own personal, individual connection with them as father and son, mother and daughter, daddy's little girl, or mamma's little boy. Moments that taught us beyond a doubt how loved we are by them, how concerned they are for us, and how much they want us to be happy.
How grateful I am to have such wonderful parents to look to as examples of what it really means to be a mother and father. The idea of knowing how to raise children of my own someday is a little less daunting knowing that I can look to my own childhood for help. Their love and my relationship with them have helped me to better understand the love that my heavenly parents have for me. Because I could rely on them as my parents growing up, I know that I can trust and rely on my heavenly parents now. My life has been blessed beyond measure because of their love, their examples, and the one on one time they have spent with me. And what a blessing it is to be reminded of that because of a simple holiday like Father's Day.
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Another Week in Primary
I decided today that I think Junior Primary is just always going to be crazy...haha. And I mean, we do have 10 Sunbeams...so ya, at least for the next year as those kids get older, it will probably just be crazy. They are sweet though, sitting still and being quiet is just rough! Plus we always have way too many chairs set up because of the previous ward's primary (our meeting times overlap, so we can't rearrange the room before church, because they're still in there). And there always seems to be someone needing something...it's just hectic. But we make it through. And then we get some respite with Senior Primary, haha.
Senior Primary today was especially sweet for me. Our teachers were attending Teacher's Council Meeting, so I sat with the kids during singing time and sharing time. We had two new/visiting kids that I sat right next to. Their mother was baptized a long time ago, and their whole family is now meeting with the missionaries. Today was their first Sunday attending our ward. During singing time, I grabbed the extra mini Children's Songbook we have from the closet, and opened it up to whatever song we were singing, and sang with the brother and sister to try and help them feel included in singing time. I was amazed at how earnestly they tried to read the words and sing along, despite their not knowing the songs. As I focused more intently on the words, and our new music leader bore testimony of the principles taught in them, I felt the spirit of peace confirming the truths taught, and confirming my testimony. The primary songs really are a wonderful tool.
Then getting to watch my counselors conduct and teach sharing time was great, too. I am so grateful for them! Watching them today, I felt like I had so much to learn from them. Marissa was conducting, and as she welcomed the kids to primary, she actually welcomed them. She asked them if they're excited for summer, what their plans are, and helped the kids who forget their assignments know that it was ok. Amanda taught sharing time and shared a wonderful object lesson that the kids really enjoyed. She talked about listening to the voice of the spirit, and as she read scriptures about the Holy Ghost, had extra volunteers come up each time to ring a bell or bang a pot or pan as she read. By the end, nobody could even sort of hear what she was reading. The kids obviously loved it, but they also readily understood the meaning behind it. The more noise and distraction we have in our lives, the less we are able to hear and understand the voice of the spirit.
I love that even as I serve in primary each week, and miss the opportunity to attend Sunday school and Relief Society, I am able to be taught and feel the Spirit, to be filled, as I attend my meetings.
Senior Primary today was especially sweet for me. Our teachers were attending Teacher's Council Meeting, so I sat with the kids during singing time and sharing time. We had two new/visiting kids that I sat right next to. Their mother was baptized a long time ago, and their whole family is now meeting with the missionaries. Today was their first Sunday attending our ward. During singing time, I grabbed the extra mini Children's Songbook we have from the closet, and opened it up to whatever song we were singing, and sang with the brother and sister to try and help them feel included in singing time. I was amazed at how earnestly they tried to read the words and sing along, despite their not knowing the songs. As I focused more intently on the words, and our new music leader bore testimony of the principles taught in them, I felt the spirit of peace confirming the truths taught, and confirming my testimony. The primary songs really are a wonderful tool.
Then getting to watch my counselors conduct and teach sharing time was great, too. I am so grateful for them! Watching them today, I felt like I had so much to learn from them. Marissa was conducting, and as she welcomed the kids to primary, she actually welcomed them. She asked them if they're excited for summer, what their plans are, and helped the kids who forget their assignments know that it was ok. Amanda taught sharing time and shared a wonderful object lesson that the kids really enjoyed. She talked about listening to the voice of the spirit, and as she read scriptures about the Holy Ghost, had extra volunteers come up each time to ring a bell or bang a pot or pan as she read. By the end, nobody could even sort of hear what she was reading. The kids obviously loved it, but they also readily understood the meaning behind it. The more noise and distraction we have in our lives, the less we are able to hear and understand the voice of the spirit.
I love that even as I serve in primary each week, and miss the opportunity to attend Sunday school and Relief Society, I am able to be taught and feel the Spirit, to be filled, as I attend my meetings.
Sunday, June 3, 2018
1 Nephi 1:20
"...But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty..."
I have always loved this verse. But as I read it today I felt a great testimony of its truth.
In this first month and a half serving as the Primary president, I have been amazed to see the truth of the phrase "Whom the Lord calls, He qualifies." Not that I particularly felt inadequate or anything when I was called, but there have been a few Sundays that I had a long list of things that I needed to do at church, and as I prayed for help, somehow I was able to manage it all.
Hence why this verse hit me today. My first counselor was gone today, so I was conducting in her place, as well as checking on the classes and helping like I otherwise would have been. This was also the first Sunday we were having a member of the Bishopric come in during opening exercises to share a message. Then there were two kids who did NOT want to be at church today. And I had a page long list of people to talk to/things to do. Oh, and I have a nice outbreak from poison ivy right now. Basically, it was a little crazy, haha.
And yet, about half way through Primary, I checked over my list again and realized that I had checked all but one thing off my list. I had prayed this morning for the help to meet my responsibilities according to His will (and that my poison ivy wouldn't be a problem during church, haha). And I got it. I accomplished as much as I possibly could, an issue I had been concerned about resolved itself, and my poison ivy didn't itch once - even when the little girl I had on my lap kept brushing against it, haha.
Serving in this calling has just given me a new testimony that the Lord truly is there, extending His arm of mercy to fill in where we fall short. That when we are on His errand, He will increase our capacity to meet the needs of those we serve. Or He will simply resolve the situation through some other means to meet their needs. Because they are His children we're serving. And I am so grateful that's true, and that I don't have to do this on my own. Because He does a much better job than I would.
I have always loved this verse. But as I read it today I felt a great testimony of its truth.
In this first month and a half serving as the Primary president, I have been amazed to see the truth of the phrase "Whom the Lord calls, He qualifies." Not that I particularly felt inadequate or anything when I was called, but there have been a few Sundays that I had a long list of things that I needed to do at church, and as I prayed for help, somehow I was able to manage it all.
Hence why this verse hit me today. My first counselor was gone today, so I was conducting in her place, as well as checking on the classes and helping like I otherwise would have been. This was also the first Sunday we were having a member of the Bishopric come in during opening exercises to share a message. Then there were two kids who did NOT want to be at church today. And I had a page long list of people to talk to/things to do. Oh, and I have a nice outbreak from poison ivy right now. Basically, it was a little crazy, haha.
And yet, about half way through Primary, I checked over my list again and realized that I had checked all but one thing off my list. I had prayed this morning for the help to meet my responsibilities according to His will (and that my poison ivy wouldn't be a problem during church, haha). And I got it. I accomplished as much as I possibly could, an issue I had been concerned about resolved itself, and my poison ivy didn't itch once - even when the little girl I had on my lap kept brushing against it, haha.
Serving in this calling has just given me a new testimony that the Lord truly is there, extending His arm of mercy to fill in where we fall short. That when we are on His errand, He will increase our capacity to meet the needs of those we serve. Or He will simply resolve the situation through some other means to meet their needs. Because they are His children we're serving. And I am so grateful that's true, and that I don't have to do this on my own. Because He does a much better job than I would.
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